Finding A Way
by Around here somewhere
Summary: Jake's bad news, but Olivia needs to learn that one the way she figures out everything – the hard way. Fitz is still processing, everything. The only way that it might be possible to forget about the love of your life is to forget yourself. Olivia seems happy, but what happens when his Liv goes missing?
1. American Pie

Disclaimer: I do not own Scandal, Shonda Rhimes does, I don't think anyone's surprised there…I also don't own anything to do with the songs used as Chapter Titles.

A/N: Ok so I'm going to start this out as I feel really guilty for posting this when I Already have to open stories… but I promise I will finish each one of them – even if that means this one is just a first chapter for a while - So this one spins off of 2x13… the song is by Don Mclean, simply replace the "music" theme with Fitz's love for Liv :) Hope you guys enjoy, let me know if you like it…

Finding A Way

Chapter One: American Pie

Staring at his glass on the coffee table he could see the butterscotch colored liquid that filled the very bottom of his glass. Beside it was the near empty bottle that he had been drinking from all morning. He had the shades drawn, and everyone was on direct orders not to disturb him. He picked up the glass gulped it down, letting is burn and numb away at his throat as it went down – wishing that it was the finest of poison. A poison that would go through his entire body, or alter his mind – make it so that he just wouldn't remember her. Make it so that she never existed to him, but making her not exist would only cause him to cease existing as well. He didn't know what else to do, so he just kept drinking.

Teddy was crying, you could hear it throughout the whole house – but he didn't lift a finger to get up and go to him. He had his nurses, and his nanny there with him – it wasn't as if Fitz was in any condition to take care of him anyways. He hated himself for it, but it was just the latest thing to add to the list of atrocious things about himself that he wanted to fix. It was a long, overwhelming list, so he poured himself another drink. As he poured it down his throat he could see his own father, sitting in his office downing glass after glass of something that smelled terrible – something that had become very familiar to him now.

He had had a great determination since he was a little boy not to become his father. Well, he had managed that, he was worse than this father – something he never thought was possible until then. He was drinking, and angry, much like his father but somehow he felt worse about it. He had more responsibility, and he knew better, but still – he was drinking at eight in the morning. To the best of his knowledge, he never saw his father start that early. He had had an extramarital affair – but he hadn't even done that right – he had thought he was different. Different, because he loved Olivia – he didn't bang her, he made love to her. But didn't that make him worse? Worse because all the women his father screwed knew exactly what to expect – he had given Olivia love, real love, and then killed her. Treated her like the mistress that she never was. And he had killed someone, something he highly doubted his father had done – at least directly. He sighed – taking yet another drink.

This was why he had fought so hard to keep his distance from Olivia. He fired her, he never wanted to be anything like his father. He married the wrong woman, he knew that - but he could at least stay faithful to her. He was a good man, once. At one point he thought that was going to be as simple as pie, but then Olivia changed everything. She made him better, she made him want to be better - she didn't let him just relax into his role as he sausage that Cyrus was selling. That everyone was selling.

He was worse. He was worse than his father. At least his father had shown up - even if he was drunk – to see him when he cried – even if it was to tell him to toughen up. He thought about Teddy, how much he loved that little boy that he had spent almost nine long months resenting and hating – he took another drink, and then laid back. He thought of Mellie, and how he was using her – lying to her. He thought of Olivia, all the things he had said to her – all the ways he had mistreated her. And then he thought of her betrayal – he went to pour another glass and realized that his bottle was empty. He leaned back and chuckled – that was just his luck.

"Sir," Cyrus edged into the dark room – but Fitz paid no attention to him.

As much as he hated Olivia, and as much as he wanted to completely forget about her existence – he couldn't. He closed his eyes and could see her smile, he opened them and was haunted by her. He gave the desk a side eye as he swallowed – unable or unwilling to get up to go find another bottle – probably a little bit of both. As much as she hurt him, he still wanted her. He had thought that it would go away – he hadn't seen her in ten months, how was it that she was still causing so much pain in him. That he was still feeling the effects of her, that his love for her hadn't faded at all. Seeing her that day, it had destroyed him. It was her fault. So why was it that he still loved her? That he couldn't get her out of his head and just stop?

For a full minute in time there, he had thought that he could have her. For a split second in time, he was going to have his happy ending. He was going to divorce Mellie, he was going to run off into the sunset with with her and leave all this hit behind. He had had hope, he had been so blindly in love with her – trying to do everything to be with her and she had just been sitting on a secret that big? A betrayal that big? It made his heavily intoxicated blood boil, but he was still trying to find a way to fix it.

"Sir," Cyrus repeated.

"Yes, Cy?" Fitz didn't even bother looking up as Cyrus took the glass from him.

"Sir, you need to clean yourself up," Cyrus said firmly.

"What, you're not going to fix this too?" He asked, "I'm sausage, remember? You're a good manager, you should still be able to sell me. If you're having a little trouble, you should call up your buddies. Hollis, Mellie – Verna's dead, but I'm sure you could find someone to replace her – and, and….Olivia."

"Sir, you are the President of the United States – you have to start acting like it," Cyrus said, picking up the empty bottle and throwing it into the trash across the room, "You have a baby who needs you – and a wife…"

"A wife who doesn't understand that I stayed with her out of self-hatred," Fitz said, "She's angry because she was expecting to get the old me back. Well he's dead, he's gone, and he's not coming back – he was temporarily a better person than he ever thought possible and then he was gone. You all should have thought about that before doing what you did."

"I don't think this is really about what we all did – if it was you've known for months – you would have gotten over it by now," Cyrus retorted as Fitz got up – swayed slightly – then sat back down, "I think it's just one person in this that's bugging you this much. That's the part that you need to get over. If I had known, if someone had clued me in…"

"Clued you into what, Cy?"

"Excuse me, sir?"

His secretary walked in slowly, cautiously. She was followed very closely by a screaming Teddy, who was being carried in the arms of his nurse and nanny – no Mellie, as per usual. Fitz wasn't about to let the boy feel abandoned by both of his parents. He opened up his arms, and allowed Teddy to be placed in his arms as long as Fitz was able to stay seated they would be fine. The nurses had figured out very early on that he and Teddy had a unique bond from the very beginning – either that or the baby forms of his children really loved him. Karen had been a colic child, he had held her for weeks on end then.

"I'm sorry to interrupt you, sir," the nurse apologized, and Fitz shook his head as he cuddled the baby to his chest.

"It's fine," He said in his somewhat zombie like state, "He's clearly not a morning person – takes after his brother, then. I'll have an aide bring him back to the nursery once he's calmed down."

"Ok, sir," She replied and she headed out of the room.

"We can continue this later, Cy," He said as he slipped onto the floor with Teddy, "I need some time with my son."

"Sir," Cyrus said, outraged.

"Out, now!"

Fitz set Teddy down on the rug where he sat to wait for his father. Fitz crawled around the back of the couch – getting a little nauseas as he did – but careful not to throw up as he reached for the baby's favorite toy out of the bin. He held the little monkey in his hand, and just looked at it. Of course this was his favorite – like father like son. It had been attached to the gift basket that Olivia Pope and Associates had had delivered to his office just after he was born. He had stashed it away – and most of what was in the basket had been donated to charity or something like that, except for the monkey. Karen had given it to him without a thought, and he had refused to let go of it for months.

"Here's your monkey, buddy," Fitz said, crawling back over and handing it to him.

The smile on Teddy's face was so wide that it almost took up his whole little face. Fitz couldn't help but smile back at him as he laid down on the floor next to him, Teddy starting to hit the monkey against his chest. He took a deep breath as the baby hit him over and over again on top of his shattered heart. It was pickling in the venom that was building up – but then it was softening as Teddy dropped the monkey and crawled up on top of him.

"I love you, so much," Fitz told him as he arranged that baby so that he wouldn't fall, "Daddy loves you, ok?"

The baby screeched and smiled, causing Fitz to smile too.

"I'm serious though, don't you ever forget that, ok?" He told him, sitting up – perhaps a little too quickly.

He kissed the top of the baby's head and called for an aide. She came in and took the baby – monkey and all – as Fitz stood up and tried to make his way over to his desk. His son, that was the singular reason that he could think of that was keeping him from jumping out of the top floor of the residence. His son needed a parent who loved him, and he shuttered to think about what would happen to him if Mellie ended up being his only caregiver. He wanted to preserve his sweet innocent little boy as long as possible.

"Sir," Cyrus said as he walked back into the office, "What're you doing?"

"I'm reading the briefings that were put on my desk this morning."

"In this state?" He asked.

"What do you think the American people would have a problem with the way I'm running the country?" Fitz raised his eyebrows.

"I don't think what we did was a mistake," Cyrus told him, "I haven't – even now. I do however realize that our mistake was involving her."

"What're you talking about?" Fitz snapped and Cyrus rolled his eyes.

"Sir, can we take this into your private study?"

"Why, Cyrus?" Fitz asked, "Are you concerned about someone overhearing?"

He had pushed it, and Cyrus a little too far, and he could tell. He watched as Cyrus's face turned a shade of purple that could in no way be thought of as normal. He felt sort of like a kid watching his father get pissed off about how he was acting. Then suddenly, he felt Cyrus's hand constrict around his arm and yank him up out of his chair. He tried to protest as Cy dragged him over to the corner and dragged him into his private office – away from the cameras and away from anything that might record their conversation.

"Would you stop acting like the spoiled little brat that we worked so hard not to let the American people see you as? Something you wanted didn't go your way, and it was fixed for you. You weren't meant to find out – but you did. That's life. I'm sorry your little fantasy of how the world is supposed to work was shattered."

"You stole that election, Cyrus," Fitz hissed, "All of you – you made me a fraud."

"Elections are bought and sold all the time," Cyrus told him, "Men sell their souls for snot nosed candidates like you. You don't think that the people were taken advantaged of when Washington became president? More than half the country couldn't even read. Lincoln? You don't think the rich in the north were able to buy that election purely by knowledge? Kennedy? You really think his father left that election up to chance? No, and I don't mind being your Joe Kennedy. I don't. But I will not just sit here and watch you waste it. Watch you drink yourself into a coma over a girl you actively pushed away."

"Don't try and negate what you did. What she did. What you all did."

"I'm not," Cyrus replied truthfully, "But you're going to drink yourself sick to get out of this presidency. If you keep acting like this spoiled little naïve rich kid who thinks the world should just revolve around him, than you're going to end up in a coffin. It's pretty clear our big mistake was involving her – and if you had been truthful about your relationship with her to me than I would have kept her out of it."

"Don't act like she was an innocent bystander," Fitz shot back, "She's the fixer – I know what that entails."

"My God, whoever told you about this left quite a few blanks, didn't they?" Cyrus said, "It was Verna, right? A viper in her own right. You want to hear what actually happened?"

"I think I've been pretty good at filling in the blanks," He nearly shouted back, "I'm not a child, Cyrus."

"Really? Because I think you've got the act down to a 't'," Cyrus replied, "When they're angry and hurt Children push away the person that they know it will hurt the most. They shove them away, call them names, and are downright cruel to them. Usually it's the mother – I stay up at night knowing that Ella will pick James as her punching bag. But you're doing the same thing. You're pushing away the one woman who ever truly gave a damn about you. The one person sitting at that table who wasn't going along with it for herself."

"You want to tell me the whole story, Cy?" Fitz said, as he plopped himself down pointedly on his couch, "Go for it."

"You don't need to know the whole story, Sir," He replied, "It's long and sorted, and not a lot of fun. What you do need to know is that we were going to go through with it – without Olivia's approval. She kept telling us no, but she would never know really whether we did it or not. Hollis, Verna, and Mellie were on board first – and slowly I started to agree with them. Olivia was last – I forced her hand. I wouldn't have if I knew that you two were involved. I was afraid that she would chicken out – I was afraid that she would tell you. She had to be just as dirty as the rest of us – and I thought that we could use a fixer in covering it up. But she could never be as dirty as we are. She's Olivia – she has that damned white spirit, and I feel badly that I got her to soil it – but you're punishing the wrong person. And she's feeling it the most."


	2. Street Maps

A/N: Hey all… so I'm on a rotation because what I have planned for this one is about thirteen chapters, and I just kinda want to get it out there as a medicinal antidote to the craziness that's on the show right now… but I am going to be going in a rotation… the song is by athlete… Enjoy :)

Finding A Way

Chapter Two: Street Maps

Fitz had no idea what to think, Cyrus wasn't one to lie and protect someone else – especially when it didn't serve him first. He was pacing around his office that evening, and all he wanted to do was call Olivia. He wanted to trust her to tell it to him straight, like she always had – but he couldn't, not anymore. He took a deep breath, wishing that he hadn't drank all of his last bottle that morning. Something told him that it would take a little while for a new bottle to be delivered. Cyrus would be right on top of that. He looked over at the clock – unable to do anything else. It was nearly midnight, and he loosened his tie as he headed up towards the residence.

He changed into his Navy t-shirt and a pair of boxers and went and laid in bed. Mellie was already asleep, and he didn't feel the need to wake her at all. He was sort of terrified of her at the moment. He wasn't sure what was the matter with her. It was almost like she had expected to get him the way that he once was with Liv – which was the last thing that she would get. It would be almost understandable if she thought that she would get the man that was once her husband back – but to get someone that she never had? Hopping in the shower with each other was never something in their relationship. It made no sense. He was a much better man for Olivia, he knew that – and he knew that wasn't exactly what you called fair – but he had wanted to be a better man for Olivia. He and Olivia had been the hopping in the shower with each other, not being able to keep their hands off each other. He wasn't the one getting attention in the shower, he was the one giving it. He had been in love with her, he was in love with her.

He had once thought she was gone forever, when he screwed up with Amanda. He thought that she would never look at him the same, but she forgave him. He would have to tell her about Verna, he would have to tell her everything. He couldn't just let her wake up one morning and realize what had happened – she had to know what she was getting herself back into from square one. He had once told her that love allowed for a few mistakes – and this was her first. It was major – but it was the first one that she had really been responsible for. If what Cyrus had said was true, he was ashamed of himself. He had known for months that he was acting like an arrogant child, he just had no idea how badly.

He had a lot of questions for Olivia, all of which he preferred to be able to get the answers to in person. There was still that nagging pain of questioning whether she truly wanted to be with him – whether she loved him enough. If he had lost he would be able to be with her? Didn't she want to be with him as much as he wanted to be with her? If not there was a problem, but either way he had to know. He had to talk to her. He resolved to try and call her in the morning – maybe she would pick up, maybe he could talk to her. He doubted she could pick up though.

"So is Olivia gone then?" Mellie asked the next morning as Fitz rolled out of bed.

He had a splitting headache, one that could only come from having drunk so much the day before. He reached for his water and popped an ibuprofen. He stood up and started to stretch.

"I don't see how it's any of your damn business," Fitz replied.

"None of my damn business?"

"What do you mean?" He asked, trying to carefully reach down and touch his toes.

"I mean, that's why you're drinking like this, right?" She said, "She's left you again? When you were going to divorce me, and she left you. Have you given up on her? Or are we going to go through the same cycle again in a couple months?"

"Up until the other day hadn't seen her in ten months, what does that tell you?" Fitz asked, a little grumpily.

"Well, in that case – it's been ten months of this, Fitz," She said, "Ten months of you wallowing and being pathetic and drinking from sun up to sun down. You need to get it together."

"Ten months? Ten months is all I get to mourn a relationship with the love of my life?" Fitz checked with her as he stood up straight again, it was harsh, he knew it, but he couldn't stop himself, "A relationship that I might never get back."

"Who broke up with who, Fitz?" She asked, acting like she already knew the answer.

"Well I'm afraid that's none of your business either," He told her, "Unless you want me going into why you abruptly stopped all your literacy campaigns, and then after that I believe it was your children's hunger lead staffer?"

"You have no right-"

"What? Because I'm actually in love with mine?" He asked, as he changed into something he could run in, "That must really sting, Mellie. That even for as short a time as I had it, I was happy. You wanted me back so badly, here I am but don't you dare try throwing Olivia in my face. I will take as long as I need to get better – and I promise it won't be quick, or easy. I'm taking care of myself from now on – I'm sure that's exactly what you were doing when you decided what to do about the campaign."

Tom jogged alongside him for his usual morning run. It was a chance to work off a little bit of his indulgences, but mostly just another way to punish himself. He hated running, he hated absolutely everything about it. It cause pain in his knees and thought that it was so tirelessly boring. It was hot, and lonesome, but no one bugged him about it. Everyone just left him alone, probably because they thought it was healthy. A lifestyle of scotch, any booze he could get his hands on, and running was totally healthy for a fifty-year-old male. They were scared of him more likely, and as long as he was running he wasn't drinking. That morning however, Cyrus had sent an aide to brief him on the day's schedule.

They finished off his run and the aide escaped off to where ever her office was. He had had that effect on the aides for the past few months - whenever they saw him they would promptly turn around and go the other way unless they had been sent to tell home something directly by Cyrus. That was of a little bit of comfort to him, at least he was still less terrifying than Cyrus. The fact that they were willing to deal with him only under the guise of Cy forcing them was something that he did feel a little bit sorry about. Tom was the only one who seemed to not mind being around him, and was still actually kind to him. Fitz had a feeling that, other than Teddy, Tom was one of the few people in the world that he could trust really. Tom stuck by him as they headed back to the White House so they could go up to the residence so that he could shower.

"Tom," Fitz said, pausing on the way up.

"Yes, Sir?"

"I want surveillance put back onto Olivia Pope," He said and he watched as Tom's face dropped.

"Sir..."

"What, Tom?"

"May I speak candidly, Sir?"

"Why not?"

"Sir, this is coming with the deepest respects for both you and Miss Pope, but isn't it about time you just let her go?" He said and Fitz opened his mouth but Tom kept talking, "Just let me finish, Sir. I've seen you both suffer on account of this - relationship - whatever you want to call it. And you're angry, you're sad, and you're grieving for the relationship - we all know that. But Sir, is this really the best decision to make right now?"

Fitz sighed. Tom had a point, and he hated that Tom had a point. His and Liv's relationship was passionate, burning, and powerful - but that didn't mean that more often than not it was destructive to both of them. It would destroy them it they let it, but right now he was letting it destroy him. His heart wasn't the only organ taking the hit. He didn't even want to know what kind of shape his liver was in after almost ten straight months of drinking as heavily as he had been. He took a deep breath and looked down at the ground for a second before he answered him.

"I'm drowning here without her -almost literally. I just need to know if she's as destroyed as I am. I need to know if she's ok or not, Tom," Fitz said, looking up at his agent, "I need to talk to her - the way we ended things... I'll tell you what, Tom. You guys do the surveillance on her and if she's happy - if she's functioning and she's herself - I'll leave her be. I'll let it go, let her be happy."

"I have your word on that, Sir?" Tom checked as they started walking again.

"You do."

"Ok," Tom said.

"Thanks, Tom," Fitz said as he started climbing the steps, "And can you make sure they put a new bottle of Scotch in my office?"

"No," Tom said, "We do this, no more Scotch. No more drowning."

"Fine."

After his shower, for which he locked the door to the bathroom, he was whisked off into meetings for the rest of the day. He wanted to call Olivia - just to see if she would pick up the phone. However, Cyrus seemed to want to get the most of out of him while he was sober. He also decidedly thought that Fitz would hook himself up to an alcoholic IV if he left him alone longer than to allow him to go to the bathroom. He didn't really blame him for it, with how he had been acting Cyrus was lucky to even have a President. However much it was warranted, Fitz  
was never ok with being man handled like he was.

"Cyrus," Fitz said as he walked into his office, "I just need two minutes of peace and quiet to myself, ok? There is no alcohol at all in here - I'm not drinking today. I just need a minute to myself. Get out."

He sat down in the chair behind his desk as Cyrus turned and left. He put his shoes up on his desk and leaned back in his chair for a few seconds - preparing himself. After that second he put his feet down and picked up his desk phone. He guided the cord around as best as he could so that he was sitting down on the couch. He took another deep breath, and picked up the receiver as if were some sort of time bomb just waiting to explode in his hand. For some reason it felt heavier to him as he went over what he had planned to say to her again and again in his head.

"Mr. President?"

"Hey Louise," He said casually, "Can I get a secure outside line, please?"

She didn't even respond but he heard a click and then silence. It was the perfect and comforting silence that meant he could call anyone he wanted, say anything he wanted and not have to worry about anything. He could call into Vegas and make a couple bets, he could call his brother and talk about whatever he wanted. He could call his lawyer and have him send over a new set of divorce filings - but he decided to hold of on those for a little while longer. The point was, that little click was freedom. Freedom to do whatever the hell he damn pleased, except all he wanted to do was call Liv, his Livy to get all this crap straightened out. He looked at the clock and realized that she would be at work - he called her cell phone.

"You've reached Olivia Pope. I wasn't able to answer the phone - I will call you back as soon as I can..."

Fitz highly doubted that.

"Sir," Cyrus said as he walked back into the Oval, "You have a meeting with the President of Austria in five minutes."

"Thanks, Cy," Fitz said as he hung up the phone, put it back on his desk, and followed Cyrus out of the room.

He was tied up in meetings for a the better part of the rest of the day. At one point Cyrus got a phone call and excused himself to answer it. He got back about ten minutes later and seemed as if he had set all his life's ambition into boring a hole in the side of Fitz's head. He pretended not to notice the intense glare from his side of the table and simply paid attention to the topics and presentations in front of him. He wasn't sure who had called Cy, but whatever the conversation had been, he knew it wasn't good. He only really started to get nervous when he was headed back to his office that evening and Cyrus insisted on walking with him.

"I got a call that concerned you today - though you probably already knew that based on how you've been ignoring me today," Cyrus said somewhat angrily as soon as the door to the Oval Office shut behind them, "It was Olivia, she seemed to have a missed call from you. She just wanted to make sure you were still breathing. Though I don't know that I would still care if I were her."

"I just need to talk to her, Cy."

"This is why you stopped drinking? You want to get her back?"

"I just want to talk to her," Fitz replied simply as there was a knock on the door.

"When's the last time you were able to just talk to anyone? Much less her?"

"Come in!" Fitz called and Tom opened the door rather cautiously.

"Sir," Tom had a very solemn look to him as he handed Fitz a file folder.

"Thank-you, Tom," Fitz said as he took it from him.

"What's this?" Cyrus asked.

Fitz didn't bother answering him, but flipped the folder open. He went over and sat down at his desk and let the folder fall onto his desk as he spread out the files. The top was a picture of he outside her client's or something on the phone. Then a few more pictures of her as the day went on. Then the last photo was her getting into a car with a man - it looked a lot like a date. His heart that had begun to smoosh back together again over the past twenty-four hours felt like it had been hit with a baseball bat again.

"She's seeing someone, Sir," Tom said, "From what we've been able to pull together they've only been out a couple of nights, starting shortly after the Christening. He's one of ours - His name is Jacob Weston. He works at the Pentagon, and goes by Jake. He's got a spotless record, and the supervisor we talked to even went so far as to say that he's the best they have. She's functioning normally, and she seems to be on her way to happy, Sir."

"I can see that, Tom," He said, tossing the picture of the two of them across his desk, "Keep an eye on her tomorrow and Friday - if nothing changes pull off."

"Yes, sir," Tom said as he dismissed himself from the room.

"So that's it then?" Cyrus asked as Fitz looked around the room, "You're going to give up?"

"It's time I just let her be happy, Cy," Fitz replied, handing him the folder, "I just have to come to terms with the fact that I'm not the only guy who can make her happy - and that maybe I've done more harm to her than good."

"Those are brave words, Mr. President," Cyrus told him, "If I didn't know you nay better I'd think you meant them."


	3. Sideways

A/N: Hey guys! I just wanted to say I love you guys so much! Your reviews make my day, and your interest in my take on our favorite couple is amazing, thanks for reading! (I know this story's a bit dull now, but trust – It's about to pick up tenfold) The title song's by Citizen Cope…Enjoy!

Finding A Way

Chapter Three: Sideways

"Sir," Cyrus said as he came into Fitz's office a couple days later, Teddy was sleeping in his pack'n'play in the corner of the room.

"Yeah, Cy?" Fitz asked as he barely looked up from the packet he was reading on his desk.

Cyrus had come to find the exact Fitz that he had met the day that they had met in the Oval with Tom. It was a dead Fitz, the light was gone from his eyes, and Cyrus wasn't even sure he liked this Fitz. It wasn't even like he was sending aides running for cover anymore – something that he could totally and conceivably be proud of him for. This Fitz? The Fitz without Olivia? He was like a lion that had just been neutered. It was sad, really. He was lame, all he did was sit at his desk, do his job, and sleep. He wasn't drinking, but he wasn't running anymore either. He was just – working, spending time with Teddy, and sleeping.

"Sir, you need to RSVP to the Clooney benefit by this evening," Cyrus said and Fitz nodded.

"She's going to be there, Cy," Fitz said and Cyrus rolled his eyes, "She was handling him when we were on the trail, remember? He was rather smitten with her."

"You would remember that better than I would, Sir," Cyrus replied respectfully, "But you can't spend the rest of your life avoiding her."

"I think I can," Fitz replied, he was angry, but he wasn't showing it, "She's going to be there with him, _Jake_. What kind of name is that, anyways?"

"Well we're not all blessed with a mouthful like Fitzgerald," Cyrus said sarcastically, "Some of us have less pretentious names."

"Cyrus isn't a pretentious name?"

"Sir, you're getting off topic."

"I'm not ready for that," Fitz breathed, wishing more than anything he could pour himself a scotch, "I'm not ready to see her with anyone. Never mind happily with someone else."

"Sir, with all do respect, will you ever be? And I know you're not getting mad at her for moving on – especially after how you treated her," Cyrus raised his voice just a tad, "If you're not going to go after her you don't get to be a sore loser about it. George Clooney has invited you to a benefit, Mr. President. Clooney. This is probably the best chance to better the look of not just yourself, but of the whole political party. You're the first Republican that Clooney, or any of these people have ever accepted."

"I'm not ready for it, Cy," He said as Teddy woke up and started to cry.

Fitz got up from the desk and went over to scoop him up. He put him up on his hip, and tried to sooth him as Cyrus looked over at him, somewhat angrily. He took a deep breath as he kissed the top of his son's head. He tried to avoid Cyrus' glare until the baby had stopped crying and one of the nannies came into to take him away for the night. Fitz hated that, how mechanical everything regarding his son was, but as soon as he was out of the White House, that kid was getting a normal childhood.

"Sir," Cyrus said, as Fitz leaned back on his desk.

"You're going to tell me that I don't have a choice," He said, and Cyrus nodded.

"I'm afraid not, Sir," Cyrus replied, "Rejecting the invitation would be detrimental to your approval ratings. I wish it wasn't that way, but it is. Shows like E! and TMZ get more ratings that CSPAN or anything you're ever on. I don't know why, and I don't like it. Almost as much as I don't like that no one cared about World happenings until celebrities started adopting them."

"Ok," Fitz said, nodding, "But I go alone."

"Alone, Sir?" Cyrus shook his head, "I thought you would know better than to request that, Sir."

"I have to take Mellie?"

"The invitation was to both of you," Cyrus clarified as he tossed one of Teddy's toys unceremoniously into the pack'n'play, "Any excuse you would have for her not going would mean that you shouldn't be there either."

"I don't like this," Fitz said, and Cyrus nodded.

"No more than I do, Sir."

"How is she, Cy?" Fitz asked, for the first time trying to get information out of Cyrus and Olivia's friendship, "And don't say you don't know. I know you two talk – almost every day."

"She's not back to her usual self," Cyrus said truthfully, "She probably never will be – you hurt her pretty badly. I had to go and check on her a couple of times—"

"Spare me, Cy," Fitz said, not rudely.

"She's hurting sir," Cyrus told him, "But this guy Jake seems like a great guy. He seems to be helping her heal."

"That's enough, Cy," He replied, taking a deep breath, "I'll go, ok?"

"I'll have Louise call up his secretary, Sir," Cyrus said as he backed himself out of the room.

Fitz ran his hand back through his hair and just about collapsed onto the couch nearest him. A loud squeak underneath him made him jump up, realizing that he had landed on one or two of Teddy's toys. He sat up and looked down at the toys beneath him, his bear –which was the source of the squeak, and his monkey. He tossed the bear affectionately over into the corner where it landed with the toy that Cyrus had sent over there minutes before. He then held the monkey in his hands and just looked down at it.

It was everything. It was Olivia, and it was the culmination of the relationship that he once had with the woman that he loved more than anything – barring his children themselves – on the planet. He could feel the anger trapped in his chest, hot tears coming to the back of his eyes and the pain of his broken heart beating inside of him. The beating felt distant, like the first half was fine, while the second just barely managed to trail after it. He could feel the pain blistering the inside of his lungs as they burned and finally he stood up – throwing the toy across the room as hard as he could.

He watched it fly through the air like a rocket. The monkey hit the wall like a bullet, and then slid down it as if it had been mortally wounded by the action. On his way down he watched as the soft brown toy hit the lamp and knocked it over, causing a crashing sound. The sounds of broken glass and shattered lamp filled the room in an ominous and somehow pleasurable. There was just something satisfying about the sound of something shattering, something that made everyone notice that it was shattered, instead of slowly falling apart in silence.

"Sir," Tom edged into the room, wide-eyed and somewhat concerned after the crashing noise.

"I'm fine, Tom," He said as he put his hand to his shoulder, massaging it slightly.

"Ah, sure," Tom said, looking at the monkey amongst the shards of glass and broken light bulb in the now dimmer lit room, "Sir, would you like a bottle of scotch to be delivered?"

"Yes," He said, "No. No. I shouldn't. Thank you though, Tom."

"No one would hold it against you, Sir."

"No thank you, Tom."

What felt like minutes later he was sitting in the back of the presidential limousine with Mellie. This being something that he was beyond not happy about, he had resolved to stay silent the whole ride to the benefit. If she so much as opened her mouth they would have a problem, he was not in the mood to put up with anything from her. She seemed to sense this attitude eradiating off of him – and anti-Mellie zone. He thought this was odd that she could sense it now, of all times, why not in the shower those times she had snuck in? Why not any of the times in the past five years of their dead marriage had she not seen fit to keep her wide fly-trap of a mouth shut?

They stayed silent, and fairly stoic as the car stopped in front of the mansion that had been rented for the event. They were led inside, greeted by Clooney and his supermodel of the month, then escorted in to their tables. As they were walking, Fitz couldn't help but feel a flash of jealousy at Clooney's life. Not the models every couple months, or anything – just the freedom. Clooney was one of the most beloved men in the country, and he interchanged women like they were suits. How was it that America was so accepting and ready to celebrate him, support all his causes, and Fitz was stuck the way that he was? Clooney was running through women like he was in a race to get to each one on the calendar before he had to get a new one, and Fitz couldn't be with the woman he loved? It was completely fucked.

He sat down at his table next to Mellie and felt the breeze and drafts run between them. He was sure that everyone else at the table could tell too, but he didn't care. Olivia's little voice in the back of his head was telling him that this wasn't good – that people would start to catch on again, but he didn't care. He wanted to tell the voice to go to hell, she would be showing up any time now with that asshole on her arm. That guy that she let have her – because that was what it came down to, anyways. Olivia just simply didn't want him. If she did, she would have him. She was more powerful than he was – if she had truly wanted him, she would have rigged the voting machines to go the other way. She would have let him drop out of the race – she would have been there screaming at him not to take the presidency back after he was shot. Sure he had to cover for Mellie, but it would be easy to resign after the fact. Easier even now, knowing that he wasn't really the president to begin with.

"Fitz," Mellie hissed at him as the dancing started, and the table cleared out.

"What happened to dinner?"

"They do it differently here," She said, standing up, "Hollywood doesn't wait to party until after the dinner's been served. C'mon, let's dance."

"No."

"Excuse me?"

"I said, I'm not dancing," He said tersely as she sat back down.

"Fitzgerald, it will look wrong if we don't-"

"It will look wrong?" He raised his eyebrows, "This is all kinds of wrong, no matter how you spin it. The only reason you are here is because Cyrus made me bring you. You are _ornamental, not functional_."

She opened her mouth to speak again, and then her jaw dropped. She was looking off somewhere behind him, and he whipped around to see what she was staring at.

"Oh. My. God."

Olivia was standing at the top of the stairs. She was the angel with George on one side and Jake on the other. Her dress was almost as pure white as snow, the perfect color for her to wear anywhere, anytime. He felt the wind being knocked out of him as his eyes flashed over her from head to toe. She looked as if she had just transcended down from heaven and Fitz felt his heart beating just a little bit slower in his chest – his anger starting to resolve. She was, and always would be the most beautiful woman he had ever seen, and she had even kicked it up a notch for that night. He could barely get air into his lungs. His anger showed a danger spike as he realized that she was arm in arm with Jake. But even then, he couldn't find the energy or the will to be mad, about anything. That was until they got to the bottom of the stairs and he watched as Jake leaned in and kissed her – for the whole room. Everyone clapped.

Love. Jealousy. Rage. Horror. Lust. The overwhelming need to get up out of his seat and rip her from his arms. He must have been thinking about that last one a little too much, because he felt Mellie's hand firmly on his arm – pressing him back down into his seat. He kept his ass to the seat, but threw her off his arm as he watched Jake lead Olivia – his Liv, his Livy – off onto the dance floor. He felt Mellie's hand fall onto his back in condolence, and he moved his seat. He only had himself to blame. It was his own fault that Olivia was there with Jake, and not him.

"I see what's going on now," She whispered and he shook his head at her through gritted teeth.

"You have no idea what's going on," He replied, leaning back in his chair.

He tried to lose his tracker on where they were on the dance floor – but he couldn't. It was like he was being offered a chance to watch his own death, slow and painful, on video. He knew he shouldn't watch – but he couldn't stop himself.

"You lost her," Mellie said, and Fitz rolled his eyes, "She's a whore, Fitz. You should have known it by how quickly she fell in and out of bed with you. A girl like that's only going to sleep around, Fitz…"

"Would you shut the hell up?" Fitz said, looking over at her – glad that no one was around them, "You don't know the first thing about her. She's amazing. She's beautiful, she it twice the woman that anyone could hope to be. She's had fewer sexual partners than you in the past couple years alone, so if I were you I wouldn't be calling her the whore. Liv is everything, you and me? We're nothing. Me and her? We're everything that makes my world turn. Don't you dare say anything about her."

He got up from the table and tossed his napkin down on the table. Olivia had finished her dance with Jake and was now talking about something with Clooney over by his table. Jake was off somewhere else, and now was his chance. He just needed a few minutes alone with her – just to talk. She didn't really owe him anything, but if she did owe him, it was in answers. He made his way to cross the room – and suddenly his route was blocked by Tom.

"She's happy, Sir," Tom said, "There's nothing to suggest that she's not. I know how hard this must be for you?"

"What're you my body guard or her's?" Fitz asked and Tom took a deep breath.

"Sir."

Fitz turned around and tore off towards the gentleman's room to splash some cold water on his face. He leaned on the counter, and looked up into the mirror. He didn't even recognize himself. Over the past years he had changed, he had once been like Mellie – anything to get the job, anything to get to his own endgame. That had all changed with Olivia, she brought out the best in him. She showed him what love should be, rather than what he had seen it as. So, by all accounts he was still an infant in terms of love – an infant abandoned, and all he wanted was his Livy. The beautiful girl who apparently did not want him, somehow decided for the both of them that his job was more important than who he was with.

He tried to cool himself down as he stood in the bathroom with guests milling in and out behind him. There he was, when everyone was gone and it was just him. He couldn't even bring himself to look into the mirror again as the last little drop of water fell off the tip of his nose into the sink. He heard Tom step into the bathroom behind him, making sure that he was still standing. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He didn't have to stay any longer – he had nothing to prove to anyone. Cyrus had said that he had had to go to the party, but he didn't say anything about how long he had to stay.

He walked out of the men's room and was about to find Mellie to go home when he stopped. He could hear crying coming from the general direction of the women's room, but it wasn't just crying. It was a certain crying that he had only ever heard a couple times in his life, the quiet, ashamed sobs of a woman too tough to truly cry. Who, like him, would rather mask any sort of emotion as anger or focus than show any sign of weakness. He took a deep breath and exchanged a quick look with Tom – who also recognized the sobs. He looked off into the ballroom and spotted Jake sitting with a friend or two chatting, then turned to wait by the door. Sure enough, in a couple of minutes Olivia emerged.

"Leave me alone," She said, as soon as she spotted him.

"Olivia," He said simply as she whipped around – getting right up into his face.

"How dare you? How dare you, Mr. President?" She hissed as she grabbed his arm and dragged him down the hallway – away from anyone's view and way out of the way of anyone's path – Tom blocked it off for them.

"Liv-"

"No, you do not get to call me that anymore – because we are no longer friends, much less anything else," She said, and he opened his mouth to cut her off before she got into her stride, but she didn't let him, "I was ready, Fitz. I was ready to just say 'oh fuck 'em' I want to be happy. You couldn't handle that – you panicked. I don't know what it is with us, Mr. President, but apparently we cannot just make it work. I want to be happy, Mr. President. That is all I've ever wanted. You waltzed into my life and promised me – promised me all of these things, everything that I ever wanted. You made me fall in love with you – heartbreaking, horrible, terrible love that I will never be able to get out of. But what I can get out of, is you. So how dare you come after me tonight? I'm here with someone – and you're here with your wife. I'm well on my way to being happy, so just leave me alone. Please? Please? Just leave me alone."


	4. Demons

A/N: I'll have you all know that I sat down to write the next chapter for Skylines, got about a fourth of the way in, and had to switch over. Apparently, I'm already not doing well with my cycle of writing… but don't worry Skylines fans, I'll go back to it as soon as I post this chapter…Enjoy :) The song's by Imagine Dragons… (And yes, I do love the Olitz video to it, but this chapter is much, much darker than the video)

Finding A Way

Chapter Four: Demons

He was seeing double. The lines of the page he was trying to read were starting to blur together, and he had read the same sentence eight times. He still didn't know what it said as he reached sloppily for the bottle of scotch on the corner of his desk. He poured it into the glass on the other side of the document he had been trying to read. He didn't even bother to pour it properly, simply filling the glass to the brim, and not really caring if it overflowed slightly, spilling over onto the desk. He tried to wipe it off the wood, using the sleeve of his shirt, the buttons on his sleeve blocking part of it from behind absorbed. He picked up the glass – simply letting it slosh onto the papers in front of him, and downed it like he had just been asked to chug a beer.

"Sir," Cyrus said as he edged into the room.

"It's nearly twelth, Siey," Fitz grumbled, "Whut are yu do-in stell hur?"

"Tom called me, Sir," Cyrus said as he walked over to the desk, taking the bottle off the desk, "James is going to give me hell for it, too."

"Yu shuld'v stay wuth hem, Siey," Fitz replied, not able to really close his mouth between words, "Hu woves yu."

"I know, imagine my disappointment when I had to roll out of bed and come back to work," Cyrus said as he put the bottle into the trash, followed very quickly by the liquor soaked sheets of the briefing Fitz had tried to read, "C'mon, Mr. President."

Cyrus walked around the desk and helped Fitz to his feet. Fitz had very recently discovered that it was much too much work to try to form words, and was silent as Cyrus tried to help him away from his desk. He had taken a few steps towards the door, and was almost off the carpet when he felt a burning in his stomach. It was rising, somehow slowly – yet he couldn't stop it from happening as he nearly fell on his face. Cyrus tried to hold him up as best as he could as Fitz doubled over. His gut wrenching, he was in so much pain that he thought he might pass out – and then there was a puddle of red-looking, flakey vomit right on the blue carpet. It looked vaguely like someone had poured a couple of cans of pasta sauce on the floor in front of him – but the smell was much worse.

"Tom!" Cyrus called and Tom came running into the room.

"Yes sir," Tom said, and then covered his nose and mouth.

"Can you take him up to the residence, please?" Cyrus asked, as Fitz puked again, right on top of the first pile, "I'm going to find someone to clean this up – but he can't be here. I'll make it look like it was me."

"Is that-?"

"Alcohol poisoning, I think," Cyrus said, as Fitz straightened up, and Tom went over to support him, "Stay with him? Get him to the bathroom, make sure he gets hydrated between puking. I'll be up as soon as I can."

"I haven't seen puke that red since college," Tom replied, nearly picking Fitz up, trying to keep him standing.

"Neither have I," Cyrus replied as Tom brought Fitz out of the room – and the quickest way that he could figure up to the residence.

Tom set him down in the bathroom, sitting with his arm around the toilet. Fitz leaned over, puking again into the toilet, his senses just starting to really return to him. He could hear Tom arguing with Mellie out in the kitchen, which seemed pretty close to where he was. He pressed his cheek against the porcelain, and let his eyes close for a second. He took a deep breath, and could feel his heart palpitating in his chest – like it was ready to come out. His head was starting to throb, and he was just realizing that his arms were shaking just a little bit. He was starving, wanted to puke again, and wanted to sleep all at the same time.

"Who the hell gave him alcohol?" Mellie was screaming, "He probably stained something, right? Damn it. How the hell is he worse than he was before?"

"I don't know, ma'am," Tom replied, rather coolly, "But if you'll excuse me I have to go check on him."

Tom reentered the bathroom with a hot towel, which he used to wipe Fitz's face. Until then, Fitz had been unaware of how much vomit he had actually gotten on his face, and his clothes. He tried to look down, but Tom tipped his chin up.

"You're a good agent, Tom," Fitz said, his eyes closing again.

"I'm going to have to ask you to keep your eyes open, Sir," Tom replied, throwing the towel aside as he began forcing some sort of blue sports' drink down his throat.

"I'm fine, Tom," He said as soon as the bottle had been taken away.

"I'm afraid you're not, Sir," Tom replied as Fitz took a deep breath.

"Honestly," Fitz said, and Tom just sort of looked at him like he couldn't believe his ears, "I'll be ok. I'm feeling a lot better."

"You look worse," Tom replied, and Fitz had to fight the burning in his throat from the stomach acid to speak.

"I – I don't know what to do," He replied, as Cyrus appeared in the doorway, he saw a shadow but couldn't be sure if Mellie was behind him, "She's gone. I can't make her come back. She doesn't want me, Cy. She- she – let you do what you did so she didn't be with me. She made me fuck my wife and have a kid just so she wouldn't have to be with me. I love her, and she'll do anything at all to not have to be with me. Ow. Why? Why doesn't she love me? Why did I have to meet her if we weren't supposed to be together? Why couldn't I control myself? Why didn't you let me fire her, Cy? I wouldn't have had to do what I-"

"You're set to go, Tom," Cyrus told him as he knelt down beside Fitz, "How long has it been since he's gotten sick last?"

"About ten minutes," Tom replied, and Cyrus nodded.

"I'll stay up with him," Cyrus said, taking his jacket off and handing, "Tell Hal we won't be needing that ambulance – he seems like he's starting to sober up."

"You got it," Tom said, eyeing a spot on his suit.

"Yeah, it's everywhere," Cyrus said as he looked down at his shoe, and Tom left the room, "C'mon, Mr. President – let's get you into some different clothes."

"Different-?" Fitz looked down at himself and saw just a smear of brownish read from his collar to his pants – which were too dark to see anything on.

"Do you think you can sit in the shower?" Cy asked him, and he nodded.

Cyrus sat up with him all night, but he didn't get sick again. They had him set up on his side, on the couch, with a bucket on the ground just in front of him. Cy woke him every couple of hours, as if he had a concussion, and made him drink some of that damned sports drink, and had him swallow a couple of pills each time. Fitz assumed they were ibuprofen or aspirin, something that would take away the pain – because that's what they were doing. He was too out of it to really care anyways. By the time the sun was shining through the window, Cyrus had passed out on the chair, and Fitz was sitting up on the couch – rubbing the side of his head carefully.

"You're up," Mellie said as she entered the room, "Good, you didn't die last night."

"Mel-"

"I had all the alcohol removed from the place," She told him, "And all your morning meetings have been cancelled."

"Good," Fitz said, reaching for the half empty bottle of Gatorade in front of him.

"You gave us all a scare last night."

"Like you care."

"I don't," She said simply, "But I do care if this gets out."

"I'm sure Cy covered it up – that's what you all do best – make me presentable?" He said, "Remake me so that the country loves me, and if you can't do that you just make up their minds for them."

"Fitz-"

"Stop it," Fitz replied, standing up – slightly dizzied, but managed to stabilize himself.

"I'm not cleaning you up," Mellie told him, "Not again."

"You didn't the first time."

"If that harlot means-"

"Damn it, Mellie," Fitz raised his hand – but stopped himself midair, scaring even himself, "I won't be drinking again for a while. I have to go."

He showered and walked into the Oval Office a couple of hours later, after a meeting that he just couldn't let be cancelled. He had been right when he said that Cyrus would have covered everything up. The office was pristine, as always, and didn't even smell faintly of vomit. Which, if he remembered correctly, would be an immense accomplishment. He would apologize to Mellie, no matter how much he hated her, or how much she might annoy him – he was not a wife beater. He was a murderer, but he was no wife beater.

"Sir," Cyrus said as he walked in, and Fitz winced at the highness of his voice, "Sorry, Sir. I was just coming to check and see if you were feeling ok."

"You were coming to check to see how I was feeling?" Fitz raised an eyebrow.

"You have a press conference, Sir," He rephrased his statement, "I wanted to make sure we didn't have to cancel – but apparently we do. You're still in no state for television. The lights, the cameras, they pick up on things that real life doesn't."

"Thank-you," Fitz said as he sat down on the couch, "Do you know where Mellie is now?"

"In the nursery, I believe."

"With Teddy?" Fitz was surprised.

"No," Cyrus chortled, "He's in his bath and off for his feeding. But her schedule has to say that she's in the nursery for at least a couple hours a day."

"Of course," Fitz said, as he stood up.

"Sir?"

"I have to apologize to her," He said shortly as he headed out of the room.

He found Mellie sitting with her schedule and with her work all spread out on the coffee table. He rolled his eyes – typical Mellie, pretending to spend time with their son. He took a deep breath, and cleared his throat as he walked in.

"What're you doing here?" She asked, not looking up as he walked in and stood in front of her.

"I wanted to apologize," He said.

"You didn't hit me, Fitz," She reminded him, "You're angry, and you're not yourself – but you would never hit a woman. Never. I wasn't even scared – there's nothing to apologize for."

"But there is," He said, and she looked up at him, "I'm sorry I nearly lost my temper this morning. I'm sorry that you have to deal with me in this. I'm sorry that I have up until this point been drinking so heavily. I'm sorry that you have to be put in this situation. I'm sorry that I wasn't able to love you the way that I love her. I'm sorry that I married you, I was young, dumb, and stupid – I'm sorry for everything, Mellie."

"Thank-you." Mellie looked taken aback.

"But I'm not sorry that I fell in love with her," He continued, "I'm not sorry that I love her, and I'm not sorry about what I'm about to say. The whole reason that I've been drinking this much is because I've been feeling helpless. I can't have her, because I can't let her wait for me. She deserves so much more than that. I can't do anything about her going off with this guy – I can't counter and bring her back to me after I sent her away. And whether she'll have me back eventually or not, I want that divorce."

"You think you can nearly drink yourself into a coma, and the next day re-ask me for a divorce?" She asked, and he nodded.

"I just did, Mellie," He replied and he took a deep breath, "We can tell the kids when they come home for the summer – we can take our time. Olivia's not waiting so we can take our time. It doesn't matter anyways – as far as I'm concerned, our marriage was over years ago. It shouldn't be a shock to you that I want it to end."

"She won't have you, Fitz," Mellie said, "She'll never go back to you after all of this. You had it right last night, when you said she did everything so that she wouldn't have to be with you. She thought you were a good fuck, but that was about it. It was her idea for me to get pregnant – she never really wanted you, Fitz. How could you ever think that a woman like that, with the world at her feet – more powerful than you – would ever want someone like you?"

"I haven't swallowed one of your lies since I learned this great trick of hiding them under my tongue," Fitz replied simply, "I know that getting pregnant was your idea, Mellie. You're not the only one that the secret service talks to. Tom was in the room with you – was he not? Or maybe he was just outside the door – he told me what happened, that night."

He backed out of the room, trying not to let her have another word. He walked back through the White House with a purpose, scrunching his eyes trying to make sure that he was seeing correctly out of them. He took a deep breath as he walked into the Oval, asked for a secure line, and called his lawyer. He spoke with him for what felt like forever, until he made the executive decision to sit down. The lawyer eventually agreed to have the papers sent over – the prenup had everything covered – including a privacy clause, and custody of the children. There was nothing that could be changed about it, legally, all Mellie had to do was sign it, and he was free.

"Sir," Cyrus said as he walked into the room, and Fitz looked up at him.

"What's up, Cy?" Fitz said, feeling a little fonder of him due to the night before – that and he looked like a ghost, "I'm going after her, by the way – you should be happy. What do you think the American people will like better? A divorced president? Or a drunk one? Because I'm thinking they'll lean more towards the divorced one. We just have to put the right spin on it, right?"

"Sir, there's been a development that's come to my attention."

"A development?" Fitz asked, leaning back, "Yeah, I have officially given up drinking for a while."

"No, sir," Cyrus said, playing with his hands – he looked up at the ceiling, and Fitz was surprised.

He was seeing actual worry on his face. His eyes were starting to tear, and Fitz thought that the world might have eneded. He sat up, trying to get a better look at the disturbing look of pain, and worry on the Great Cyrus Beene's face.

"What is it, Cy?" He asked, "Is James ok? Ella? Teddy?"

"No, sir," He said, taking a deep breath.

"Then what is it?"

"Olivia is missing," Cyrus's voice cracked – his tears trapped inside of his eyes unable to get out, "She's been missing since the night of the benefit. They found her car run around a tree, but she and her date were no where to be found. Tom investigated it this afternoon - no one knows where she is. Her team seems to think that the accident was staged, Sir."

Fitz could feel the room start to spin as he felt the world being ripped right out from under his feet. He had been standing, and then he was sitting - on the floor. The rug was still a little damp from being cleaned, and he didn't even care. Breathing was like trying to find oxygen on the moon, and his head was spinning so much that he couldn't even focus his eyes.


	5. Basket Case

A/N: Sorry it's been a while, been busy and a bit stressed out… the title song's by Green Day… Enjoy :)

Finding A Way

Chapter Five: Basket Case

He was sitting up in a dark room, he hadn't slept in a week. He hadn't had a drink in a week either, but that wasn't the point. The point was, he was sitting up in a dark room – looking over top secret files on everything they had been able to find following the moment that they had found out that Olivia had gone missing. As far as he was concerned it was all worth it though, he needed Olivia back – and that meant doing just about everything he could until she was back from wherever she was. Until he could hear her voice, see her face, because anything else was simply unacceptable. He couldn't think about her anywhere except for alive, and safe – in her apartment. He knew that that wasn't the reality, but until they did know where she was, that was where he was picturing her. He was going to find her – and he was going to bring her back safely. If he couldn't do that, he didn't know what was going to happen to him. If he never saw Olivia again….

She had been missing over a week, and he knew that meant that the odds weren't entirely in their favor for finding her unscathed. They had run into difficulty trying to figure out what could have happened to her – who, feasibly, would want her gone. Who hated her that much? No one, that was who. Cyrus had had Huck look into a couple people right off the bat – but that was that. None of them were in on it. Huck had looked into them only to find absolutely no connection between them and her. They were running out of ideas, and Abby had told them to start looking into Jake – Huck was out on that now. Jake was missing to. No one had said it – yet – but Fitz knew it was his fault. If he hadn't been acting like such a child, Olivia wouldn't have gone to that party. And if she had, she would have been there with him. If he had divorced Mellie when he should have, he and Olivia would have been together – and he could have protected her. No one would have gotten to her, she would be safe. She wouldn't have left the party without at least minimal security.

It was his fault. Even if no one had said it yet, he knew they were all thinking the same thing. Abby and Harrison, who were working with him and his team to find her had long since put the pieces together. He knew that, even if they didn't vocalize it. He wasn't entirely sure that they hadn't known to start with. They were trained by the best, and the way that he and Olivia had acted around each other from the start had been a dead give-away to anyone that even knew them in the slightest. He didn't really care that they had figured it out, but he was sure that Abby would have called him out as the person to blame by now. The fact that she hadn't pointed the finger at him just seemed to make it worse.

"Are you even going to bother coming to the residence?" Mellie asked, as she edged into the room, Tom behind her.

"No," He replied dryly, closing the folder.

"Sir," said Tom, who was fully aware of the situation, "Respectfully, you need some rest."

"Respectfully?" Fitz questioned him, "Respectfully?"

Tom started to back off, and Mellie looked as if she had been startled. She had never seen them react this way to each other, which was probably part of the point. Fitz had kept more than a considerable amount of distance between himself and his family since he had found out Liv was missing. He hadn't gone up to the residence all week, and the nurses had brought Teddy down to see him every morning. He would play with him while he read the night's briefings – attempted to run the country, and focused most of his time on finding Olivia. Cyrus was calling most of the shots as far as the country was concerned, and Fitz was somehow more than just fine with that. The country was running pretty smoothly, and all he was really worried about was getting Liv back. They had continued to just meet dead end after dead end, it was driving him insane.

"Fitz, you need some sleep," Mellie told him.

"I need to get her back, is what I need."

"Of course – everything's about her, isn't it?" Mellie said as Tom closed the door and went out into the hall, "You're not getting her back, honey. She's not going to come back. She doesn't really love you, she doesn't even really know you. She's sick and fed up with dealing with you – and let's face it, who could really blame her? I'm about to walk out on you myself."

"By all means, please do," Fitz replied as he peaked into the folder again, "Maybe if you had the first time I asked I would have her hear now."

"So that's what you've been working on? That's why you haven't been sleeping?" Mellie asked, "That's why Cyrus is basically running the country – you miss your girlfriend and you're trying to figure out a way to get her back from that handsome man she was on the arm of last we saw her?"

"Mellie – for once in your life, please just shut the hell up," Fitz said, standing up in an attempt to make himself taller – maybe she would get the hint.

"I most certainly will not," Mellie replied angrily, "I can't believe.."

"Tom!" Fitz called, and he came back into the room, "Please escort the First Lady back to the residence."

"No, Tom," Mellie nearly shouted at him, her eyes going wide, "I will not be escorted anywhere until _my_ husband stops obsessing over losing his girlfriend and starts being himself again."

"SHE'S MISSING, MELLIE!" Fitz shouted back at her, sure nearly every vein in his neck and face was showing, "Livy's missing – she hasn't been heard from since the night of the benefit. The love of my life is certifiably missing – that's what I've been up all night about. That's why I've been so absent – which I'm sure you wouldn't mind if it didn't have anything to do with her. I need to find her. She could be dead, she could be hurt, she could be locked up in some ax murderer's basement – no one fucking knows. So, no – I'm not going to bed, I'm not resting, I'm not sleeping, and I'm not doing anything until I find her! Because it's my fault she's missing – if I had left you when I should have, that night wouldn't have happened."

"So it's my fault that your girlfriend's gone missing?" Mellie asked, "That tramp probably finally just messed with the wrong guy. Senator Davis seemed really off the other day – maybe he finally lost it. They broke up a while ago, right?"

"They broke up, because Olivia wanted to wait for me," Fitz told her out of anger, "Senator Davis has been checked out, and he had nothing to do with it. Now if you would excuse me, I need to figure this out."

"You need to get your act together," Mellie told him, "That girl disappearing could be the best thing that ever happened to you. You finally have no choice but to get over her."

"I can't get over her, Mellie," Fitz said, quietly, "I would have to throw myself off of the top of the Washington Monument, die. I would get to wherever it is I'm going – Hell, Heaven – and I would ask about her. How she's doing. Because if I'm burning in hell, that's fine as long as I know she's up in heaven, or back here on earth somewhere safe."

That seemed to shut Mellie up as he sank back down into his chair and spun it around to look out the windows as he pulled the file folder off his desk behind him. He wasn't sure when Mellie left, but he honestly couldn't care less about it. He just had to kill time, and try and figure something out – a new theory before Huck got back and told them all that Jake was spotless. There had to be something – someone must have had a reason to take her. Someone who knew about them, maybe? Maybe someone who was trying to get to him? He had to hand it to whoever it was, it was working. He took a deep breath, and opened up the file again even though he didn't need to – he knew the whole thing my heart.

"Sir," Cyrus walked into the Oval.

It was hours after his conversation with Mellie – he wasn't sure exactly how many had passed. He had watched the sun come up out of the window, not really moving. He watched as people started coming in for work like nothing was wrong. Nothing was wrong for them. Their worlds hadn't shattered, and they all knew exactly where their loved ones were. They weren't worried, and they weren't panicking. They weren't living in fear that their next breath would be the last one that they would ever want to take. They weren't worried that any second someone could walk into their office and tell them that the person that they loved most on the earth was gone. That their reason for living had just been ripped from the planet, without too much warning, and that it was their fault. They weren't living the way he was – the way he counted each laborious breath as if it were her last.

"Yeah, Cy?" Fitz asked, spinning around to face him within minimal movement.

"I need your input on this," Cyrus said, handing him a new folder, "Just when you get a chance, if you could tell me your thoughts by this evening, that would be great."

"Ok," Fitz croaked in his now usual zombie-like state.

"Also, Huck is here," Cyrus said, "Her team is all here, they're waiting down in the meeting room – should I have our team meet up with them?"

"Yes," Fitz said without leaving a second's pause, buttoning his suit jacket as he stood up, "Thank you, Cyrus."

"No problem, sir," Cyrus replied, "I might be a little late to the meeting though, I have to run downstairs. Security says something was dropped off for me."

"Alright," Fitz said as he put the new folder under his one for Olivia's disappearance.

He walked out of the Oval office with Cyrus. Cy headed off towards the elevator while Fitz continued down the hall to their designated conference room. This was where both teams joined up each morning to figure out what was going on and share information. The trail had gone cold at least a couple days ago, and last he had checked everyone was getting a little discouraged. He didn't have the luxury of getting discouraged. Olivia was an interesting person, almost everyone she met fell in love with her, yet it was this small group of people – her team, and him that was looking for her. He wondered if her parents had even noticed – from what he remembered she would only call them rarely. Every other Friday morning – so that meant they would start to realize soon. There was chatter in the room that had been silent for almost a week as he walked in, and took his seat at the head of the table.

"Mr. President Sir," Huck said, putting a big box on the table in front of everyone.

"What is it, Huck?" Fitz asked, straightening up, "What're we looking at?"

"Tapes," He said, lifting one of them out of the box and handing it to him, "Two-thousand nine-hundred and twenty of them. Each one of them is six hours each, and each one of them is from Olivia's apartment. Jake had been watching her for two full years."

"What?" Fitz couldn't believe his ears, and he wasn't the only one vocalizing confusion.

"So this sick-o's been watching her for two years and no one's noticed?" Harrison said as Huck pulled a couple notebooks from the box.

"He's been tracking her," Huck said, and Fitz ears perked up.

"So he knew…"

"He knew everything, and I mean everything about her," Huck replied.

"So what?" Abby said, a little confused, "He's been biding his time waiting until he thought he could…"

"Oh my God," Harrison cut her off, looking at the now completely silent president.

"I crushed her," Fitz breathed the words, mostly to himself.

"Sir," Tom spoke up, "There was no way you could have…"

"It is my fault," Fitz said, his mouth agape, "It's my fault. We found proof."

"Sir," It was Abby, "SIR."

"What?"

"There were a thousand little things that any of us could have done to stop it," She told him, "It wasn't your fault, no more than it was Harrison's fault because he didn't tell her to do a background check on him. No more than it was Huck and Quinn's fault because they weren't there to stop it – or my fault because I didn't tell her Jake's scum."

"What do we do now?" Harrison spoke.

"Tom, I want you to pull everything we know about Jake. I want to know absolutely everything we can find on him. I want to know the place where he cried when he was a kid," He said as he opened his folder, "This means that odds are, she's alive."

"Sir," Cyrus came just about running into the room.

"What is it, Cy?" Fitz asked as Cyrus caught his breath, setting an envelope down in front of him, "What's this?"

"It's what security wanted me to pick up, Sir," Cyrus said, still wheezing slightly, "It was really addressed to you."

"What is it?" Fitz asked and Cyrus pointed at Huck.

"Put it on," Cyrus told him.

Huck scooped it right up, and brought it over to the TV over on the far side of the room from where Fitz was sitting. He leaned back a little – concerned. He kept looking over at Cyrus, not sure what to think, but soon realized that Cy was purposely looking away from him. And it wasn't just Cyrus, it was everyone at the table. Everyone at the table was avoiding looking at him, and he focused back in on what Huck was doing as the TV came into focus. The screen was a full picture of a newspaper. The date on it was that day, Fitz vaguely remembered it being placed on his desk a couple hours before hand. Then it was gone, and Olivia was lying on a table– in her bra and panties – strapped to a dirty mattress. She was gagged and blindfolded, but fighting the restraints.


	6. Doctor My Eyes

A/N: Hey guys – sorry this took a bit… silly school always gets in the way… ok… here we go :) Also, The song's by Jackson Browne :)

Finding A Way

Chapter Six: Doctor My Eyes

He couldn't move, he couldn't do anything – he was frozen. He would have opened his mouth, but he wasn't entirely sure that he would be able to speak. He wanted to yell out, or just succumb to the tight pain he was feeling in his chest. He wanted to throw something, scream, anything to make it stop, anything to wake up. He looked at Huck, trying to communicate to him to shut it off. The shadowy figure that had walked onto the screen was making his way towards her. Fitz had never felt so hopeless and useless in his life. He was unaware up until that point that he had stood up, but he felt Cyrus's hand trying to guide him back down into his seat. He shook him off.

"It was only a matter of time before you figured it out," The shadow spoke harshly as he tightened her restraints, "I'm surprised it took you this long."

"Shut it off, Huck," Cyrus spoke up and Fitz held out a hand to silence him.

"Leave it on." Fitz found his voice, a rather authoritative one.

Fitz's words were obeyed, and the video stayed on. The shadowy figure, who Fitz assumed was Jake, was edging around the mattress. Firz watched, helpless, unable to do anything about what he was watching as he shot her up with God-only-knew. She squirmed, whining – muffled screaming coming through her gag. He leaned up and pulled the gag out of her mouth so that everyone could hear her screaming. Fitz's ears rang and everyone looked over at him. He looked down to see his knuckles were white on the table. All he could feel – all he was allowing himself – was anger. There was no time or space for anything else.

"Don't worry, Mr. President," The voice said, "I won't touch her without sending you a video. I know you'll want to see everything. If you want to save her – which I'm assuming you will, as you can't _breathe_ without her. I'd suggest you start setting a fire under going to war with North Korea. You have forty-eight hours to make a decision. Then she will be released upon the official announcement of war. If not, I will kill her. It won't be quick, it won't be kind, and it won't be painless. You'll get fantastic little videos like this every step of the process…"

"Fitz! Don't!" She screamed in the background – and the video died out.

"Sir," Cyrus said cautiously as her screams echoed in his head.

"Mr. President…" Harrison reminded him where he was.

"Sir," Huck said, as he shut off the now blank feed.

They were all looking at him for the next step. He sat down.

"Where are they? I need her found – yesterday," Fitz was yelling this mostly at Huck, who nodded.

"Yes, sir," He replied, taking the disc and leaving the room.

"I want everything anyone has ever gotten on this Jake guy," Fitz yelled to his half of the team, and they were out of the room within seconds."

"Sir," Cyrus said as Fitz wiped his brow.

"You three – I need…"

"Sir."

"Shut the hell up, Cy!" Fitz shouted, and Cyrus took a step forward.

"With all due respect, Mr. President we cannot go to war with a nation who's definition of war is blowing whole countries off the map unprovoked, just because some nut job kidnapped your girlfriend," He replied, angrily, "So we're going to have to figure out some other forms of diplomacy with this guy. Which is what these three are going to do. They're the fixers – trained by the best."

"We will see what we can do, sir," Harrison said and Fitz rounded on him.

"You'll see what you can do?" He asked, "That is my life on that mattress – not just her's. That is the country. I know I don't get to go to war over this – but I will damned well try if I have to. I don't care what kind of prison they throw me into. I put her in danger, I will get her out – I was so careless… of course someone would eventually…"

"You three are excused," Cyrus told Abby, Harrison, and Quinn and they scurried out of the room.

As soon as they were gone, there were papers everywhere. It was less than a split second reaction in which Fitz threw both of the folders he had walked in with across the room and hit the TV. The papers went out in an explosion in all directions. Cyrus took an audible breath and Fitz looked around at him, his eyes dangerous and Cyrus swallowed.

"Are you done?"

"What?!" Fitz shot back angrily.

"Are you done, Sir?" Cyrus asked him, "Because we're not going to be able to do anything for Olivia if you don't toughen up."

"Cy-"

"I realize that video had more of an effect on you than the rest of us, but it was designed to, Mr. President," Cyrus replied, and he took a deep breath, "You need to take a deep breath, sir. We will get her – we'll get her, she'll be fine."

"Damn it, Cyrus," Fitz replied.

"You cannot go to war for her, Fitz," Cyrus said, "She's not Helena of Troy."

"She's not?" Fitz replied, "You have a little less than forty-eight hours before I declare war. I'm sure I can figure out some reason to."

"Sir – how can we even be sure she'll be released? How would be able to cover that up, Sir?" Cyrus said, "'Sorry, fellow Americans I brought you all into one of the most destructive wars in history to save my girlfriend?' I don't think that's going to fly, Mr. President. I think we'll have more than pitchforks at the gates. Did you like being shot in the head? It might just happen again."

"You've covered up worse, haven't you?" Fitz shot back at him, and Cyrus took a step back in a mixture of shock and disgust.

Fitz looked over at him, almost happy with himself for causing the flustered and shocked looked on Cyrus's face. He took a deep breath as he went over and picked up Cyrus's folders – replacing those he had thrown across the room. He tucked them under his arm and was about to head back to his office when Cyrus stuttered something behind him. He stopped and looked over his shoulder for a second. He thought about asking whether or not Cy was thinking about saying what he had said a bit louder. However, he got the hint that he shouldn't bother when Cyrus shut up and looked almost fearful. That was never an emotion he knew Cyrus to have, and decided to walk out into the hall instead.

"Oh, there you are," Mellie said from behind him as he headed towards the Oval Office, new folders under his arm.

"What do you want?" He asked, not bothering to give her the common courtesy of stopping to chat, he simply said it over his shoulder as she hurried to keep up with him.

"Did you have a meeting this morning? You weren't scheduled for one," She said as ran to keep up with him, "I know I'm the last person you want to talk to, but can you at least slow down? Was that Huck I saw leaving earlier?"

"Go away, Mellie," He said firmly as soon as they were within the walls of the Oval office – safe from prying ears.

"Relax. I just came to make sure you were all set for tonight."

"Tonight?"

"The ball for Senator Lively."

"Right," Fitz said, taking a deep breath as he sank into his seat behind his desk, "You go – make sure everyone knows I can't get there because I'm doing something Presidential. Make something up."

"Fitzgerald!" Mellie said, "This is a party we are throwing for your friend."

"He's your friend, and you're throwing the party," He said as he looked up at her somewhat put out, "I have other things that I have to attend to."

"Yes, your missing girlfriend," Mellie replied with a snarky look, "I assume that's why Huck was here, and the other three that were left just before you came out? The whole meeting this morning?"

"Just leave me alone, ok?" He said and Mellie's eyebrows almost became one.

"Fitz, honey," She said, "I understand that you're upset. But do you even know if she's still alive? You need to start moving on, sweetie."

"Actually, I do know that she's alive," Fitz told her angrily as he brought his fist down on his desk with considerable force, "We got a hostage tape this morning, in fact. She was taken because of me – so yes, Mellie. I have other things on my plate. Like the woman I love being tortured because I was stupid enough to think that because 'no one knew' she would be safe."

"Fitz, you had no idea that this could have happened," Mellie softened up a little bit – showing the underbelly of the beast – he didn't have time for it, "It's not like she would have accepted security anyways."

"That's not the point, Mellie," He said, "The point is that I endangered her. It's my fault that she was taken. It's my fault that she fell in love with me – I pushed her. She didn't want it. I convinced her that we were a good idea. I convinced her that we were too good to pass up. It's my fault. She wanted to pretend there wasn't anything between us from day one, and I just couldn't let it happen. Why didn't I just forget about it? Why did I have to say all those things to her, why the hell would I tell her how much she means to me in a public space – shout it out in the rose garden….She wanted to settle for marrying Davis… why the fucking hell did I have to say something?"

"Enough, Fitzgerald," Mellie had had just about enough and was ready with her scales again, "You're coming to the ball tonight. Your tux is all set and waiting for you in your closet."

She left without another word, and he knew that he didn't really have a choice. If it came down to it and he was going to have to declare war, he was going to have to be able to pull it off. Pulling it off meant not exhibiting too much subjective or concerning behavior. He was lucky the staff hadn't released anything about his drunken walks around the white house when they were happening or the fact that Cyrus was effectively running the country as he was pouring over some classified folder at his desk. Going to the Senator's ball would be an act of good faith – and he did feel badly for the position he was putting everyone else in.

He plastered a fake smile on his face and entered the ball with Mellie on his arm. He had spent his afternoon with Teddy, and somehow that had made him feel a little bit better. He had a plan, it was completely makeshift and only half cooked up, but somehow he thought that maybe he would be able to figure out a way out of this. Then, he would divorce the evil witch on his arm, whether Olivia wanted to be with him or not. Whether she wanted to be with him, or not, he would save her, and whether she wanted to be with him or not, he would be single by the end of this. If anything, to be away from Mellie, and he would fight for Olivia – but either way he was out of that marriage. He would call his lawyer in the morning to check up on the divorce filings.

"Fitz, at least look like you're happy to be here," Mellie said out of the side of her mouth as they sat down at the head table with the Senator and his wife.

"I am," He smiled.

"Long day, sir?" Lively asked and Fitz nodded.

"You have no idea," He told him, starting to feel the effects of not sleeping for a week.

Suddenly the table was looking particularly comfortable – almost like a pillow.

"Excuse me, server," Mellie said to one of the waiters as he walked by and she flashed him one of her well-rehearsed smiles, "Could you bring my husband a cup of coffee?"

"Of course, ma'am," He said politely, and returned seconds later with a big cup of black coffee.

"Thank you," Fitz told him as he took the cup, and started drinking – though he doubted how long it would last.

"Thanks for coming out for this," Lively said – and Fitz's heart sank.

He immediately felt badly about the whole thing. Lively was one of his favorite senators, and he was a good man. He deserved the President's full attention and help at his ball. He took a deep breath and finished off the coffee.

"No, not a problem at all, Pete," Fitz said casually, "I've just been busy with more than a few things this week. I'm glad to be here though. I'm just sorry I can't be a better host."

"Not falling asleep would be a good start," Mellie told him teasingly, causing both the senator and his wife to chuckle.

Fitz kept himself far away from the open bar as the rest of the guests arrived – even as he had to watch Edison Davis walk through the doors. Olivia would be fine, perfectly safe, and warm and even in the room had he allowed her to marry him. If he had just kept his mouth shut. He took a deep breath and Mellie handed him a glass of water, tracking where he had been watching carefully.

Then, all of a sudden he saw Tom walking across the room, and his heart lifted a little with the look on his face.

"Sir, you have a visitor," Tom told him, and Fitz went to stand up.

"Who is it?" Fitz got up and looked around.

Then, in the sea of tuxedos and ball gowns, he spotted Huck. He was standing in the corner, near the door with Hal. Obviously they had decided that it would make too much of a scene to bring him through the party. Fitz had never felt so much affection for the man as he looked over at him, and he gave him a little nod. That was a hopeful nod – Huck was never hopeful. Not unless he had the answer that you both wanted. Fitz beamed back at him, then looked over at the table – trying to figure out what to say to get himself out of there and not seem rude.

"Honey, whoever it is can wait," Mellie said, knowing full well that it was Huck, "I mean, c'mon. You deserve to relax a little bit."

"I'm sorry," He told them all, "This should only be a few minutes – I should be back before they even serve dinner."

"You better be," Mellie told him, her face looked fine, but her voice was hitting that dangerous note, "You're giving a speech, remember."

"Yeah," He said, not really paying attention, "It'll be great – I just have to talk to him for a second."

He then took a deep breath – sure she had just thrown in that speech. It wouldn't be too hard, he had known Lively for years and would be able to pull an easy speech right out of his ass. That part wasn't the important part at the moment, the important part was the hopeful look on the usually dead face of Huck. He took a deep breath as he, Tom, and Huck walked out into the hall and into one of the security offices.

"I found her," Huck told him and he couldn't believe his ears.

"How?"

"Signals," He said, "The whole video she was doing Morse Code with her fists – spelling out over and over the last place that she remembered being. Which is about a half a block from where she is – I don't think you want to hear about anything else sir, if you catch my drift."

"That's fantastic," Fitz said, and he turned to Tom, "Gather a team, I want the best men to infiltrate and retrieve her."

"Yes sir," Tom nodded as Cyrus came running into the room.

"Sir, there you are," He said as he stumbled into the room, handing him an envelope – completely breathless, "This just came for you – just like the other."

"Put it on," Fitz told Tom, handing it to him in a slight panic looking over at the TV in the corner.

"Hello, Mr. President," This time it was simply Jake, standing next to a blindfolded and gagged Olivia – a machine next to him, "We just had an interesting development that I think might hasten your decision making."

He flipped the machine on, and set up the ultrasound machine, which Fitz now recognized – no. No. No. He spread the jelly over Olivia's stomach pretty quickly as he turned the screen towards them. Whoever was holding the camera focused in on the screen, which showed static, lots of it – and then with zooming and clearing it up –

"That," Jake's voice filled the room as his finger pointed to a small figure on the screen, "Is a roughly three week old fetus, Sir. Now, I don't know about you – but that's not from me. I never got that far – you, on the other hand. Three weeks ago? Where were you sir? Because I can place you at the same function as her. I mean, I have no idea what actually happened in that closet – but I can make a pretty good guess based on what was said when you came out. Is that any way to speak to the woman carrying your child?"

"Sir," Cyrus breathed behind him and Fitz just shook him off as the camera panned out again.

"Don't worry, nothing we've done would bring lasting harm to her, or the baby," Jake said as the camera focused in on Olivia's mostly obscured face, "I believe congratulations are in order, and you still have a chance to bring them home without any physical harm. Though, with this latest development your deadline is going to have to be brought up a little, I'm afraid. You have an hour from the time you're viewing this, which I'm assuming is about ten o clock, to declare war. And trust us, your child will be the first to go."

Fitz looked at his watch, ten'o'clock on the dot.


	7. Clocks

A/N: Hi guys…The song's by Coldplay… and Fitting I would say… Love you guys! Nearly spring break... yay! hope you enjoy :)

Finding A Way

Chapter Seven: Clocks

The next fifteen minutes were a whirlwind of everyone trying to get everywhere all at once. His head was spinning, and Tom and Cyrus pushing him either which way. A baby? Olivia was pregnant? Had she known? It was only three weeks along, and she had been missing for one and half – so he assumed that she hadn't. He took a deep breath – how the hell was this happening. He was supposed to have another day, another day to figure out what he was going to do. He didn't want to have to go to war with North Korea, and he prayed to the God he only half believed in that he wouldn't have to. Tom and Cyrus ushered him off to the Oval Office, he was in no shape to go back to the party – and probably would have fought them with his fists if they tried to bring him there.

He had a declaration of war to write if they couldn't figure out their rescue team quick enough. He looked at his watch, and realized that they only had forty-five minutes left. He took a deep breath. He took a deep breath and buried his face in his hands. Forty-five minutes. He leaned back – he couldn't write anything yet. It would be easy enough to secure a press release within minutes of the deadline, that they were going to war with North Korea, he could have the whole country's televisions showing his face within ten minutes if he needed to. He was thinking though, he needed to have it ready as soon as everyone came to him to question it. There would be no taking it back. He sighed – every breath felt like there was a shard of ice in his lung.

"Sir," Cyrus said as he walked in, "We have a team together sir, the best Seals in Washington."

"Thank you Cyrus," Fitz said as four men walked in just behind him – Huck at the end bringing up the rear.

"Your mission tonight, it's top secret," Fitz told them, taking a breath – a piercing pain shooting through his chest, "A woman has been kidnapped – and while we don't usually deal in the kidnappings of civilians – "

His voice cracked. What if this didn't work? What if they killed her? What if they saw the Seal Team coming? He looked around the room and realized that Cyrus and Huck were watching him knowingly. He took a step back and leaned on his desk. He could feel the tears start to sting the back of his eyes. He hadn't even had time to process – this was a huge risk. He was either about to get her back, or lose her forever. Their child – forever. He had no doubt in his mind that they would kill the baby without another thought – even if they managed to save her afterwards – how could he explain that to her? How could he tell her something like that?

"What the President is having trouble explaining," Cyrus jumped in – recognizing the fact that there was no way Fitz was going to be able to recover to continue speaking, "You'll have to sign nondisclosure papers – you don't have to do the mission – it's simply a request, special favor. The woman that is missing – she's one of us. She was taken for ransom. Huck has figured out where she is, all you have to do is go in and get her."

Fitz looked up from the spot he had been staring at on the ground. It was a trick he had learned a long time ago, pick a spot on the floor and just stare at it while you gained your composure. It was one of the few actually useful things that he had learned from his father. He took a deep breath and looked around the room. From the looks on all the faces and he saw looks of completely understanding on the men's faces – they knew exactly what was going on.

"So basically, we've set up cameras around the place – to the best of our ability without seeming suspicious," Huck took over – but all the men were still watching Fitz – who shifted uncomfortably, "We want to take Jake, the ringleader in under the Patriot Act, but everyone else is dispensable."

He handed the guy closest to him a picture of Jake, and he passed it down the line. The Patriot Act? He looked over at Cyrus and it was a quick confirmation that that part had been his idea. According to Fitz, Jake was the most dispensible in the whole group – but he wasn't in his right mind. He knew it made sense – they needed to know who hired him – this very well could be considered an act of terrorism – it made sense. He took a deep breath, but would he be able to help himself, if he knew where the bastard was. Would he be able to kill again? He didn't want to, he didn't. But there was something about Jake – he wanted to see him suffer. He wanted to watch them hurt him.

"We'll get her, sir," The first one who signed the papers Cyrus had given them said as he put them on the desk – the second in the line followed suit.

"Don't you worry, sir," said the third as he put the papers on the desk, "We'll get her back safe."

The fourth simply nodded to him, and dropped the papers on the top of the stack.

"What's the plan?" The fourth man turned to Huck and he nodded, pulling up something fancy looking on his monitor.

"I have the building mapped out…" Huck led them out of the room.

"You think they're going to pull this off?" Fitz asked Cyrus as they were left alone in the Oval Office.

"Yes, sir."

"Are you being hopeful, Cy?"

"Are you being cynical – you've picked a hell of a time to do it," Cyrus told him and Fitz sighed, "I'm hopeful because Huck will die before he lets anything happen to Olivia – or that baby. I'm hopeful because I don't want to see her hurt anymore than you do – that may come as a surprise but no matter how much you love her, and she loves you – she is 'my girl'. And lastly, Mr. President, I'm hopeful because if this goes south I'm not only going to lose her – I'm going to lose you too. So yes, Mr. President, I'm hopeful, because I have to be."

"I think I'm even more scared now – you being hopeful can't be a good sign."

"You being Cynical can."

"What do you mean?"

"Your vision on the matter is cloudy, sir…"

Fitz didn't get to hear the rest of the explanation though, because Mellie came bursting into the office. He didn't have time for this – he had to get to the meeting room so that he could watch the rescue mission. He wasn't sure that he wanted to – but he couldn't just not watch it. Standing outside in the hallway would be so much worse than sitting in the room, watching everything go down. He didn't have time for Mellie's ridiculous antics.

"Fitzgerald there is a room full of guests downstairs," She said as Tom led Abby, Harrison, and Quinn into the room, "What the hell are they doing here?"

"Cyrus – bring them to the conference room?"

"We can go, Sir," Abby told him and they started to head back out of the room.

"I'll be there in a minute," He promised them as they closed the door behind themselves.

"What the hell are her little friends doing here?" Mellie shot at him, "I am having a ball downstairs and my husband is elsewhere? Hanging around with his missing mistress's friends. Her pittbull shows up and you're gone-"

"He's more like a German Shepherd," Cyrus quipped – and Mellie didn't even really acknowledge his comment.

"So it doesn't even have to be her to take you away from me now? I'd accepted that she was always going to be first to you – but seriously? Now her ragamuffin friends, too?" She said, "There are senators, governors, statesmen downstairs. What am I supposed to do? What am I supposed to tell them about why their president just ran out of a ball in his own home?"

"Well you could tell them that I'm not really the president," Fitz said simply and her eyes went wide, "Though, I wouldn't suggest it. I think you could come up with something. You could tell them I'm working on a hostage situation – but that might not go over so well either. I'd say I'm not feeling well – that way my trip to the hospital later won't be completely out of the blue…"

"What?"

"Huck found her – that's why everyone's here," Fitz told her with a small smile, "I just sent out a team to go and get her."

"You let him send out a team?" Mellie shot at Cyrus, "How the hell are we going to cover that up?"

"They signed confidentiality agreements," Cy said, then exchanged a look with Fitz, "But it's not really going to matter – given recent developments."

"Excuse me?"

"Olivia was taken, Mellie," Cyrus said with a heavy sigh and a roll of his eyes, "Would you stop your incessant whining for two minutes? That's all I ask – two minutes without your blabbering. Go back to your party Mellie. It's probably the last one you're going to be holding for a very long time. So go and enjoy it – your last night that you'll even be able to pretend that everything's ok. After tonight though, you're going to sit the hell down and shut the fuck up. You'll come to the realization that you are an ignorant little brat, who's trying to play way over her head and out of her league."

Fitz didn't wait for Mellie to get her bearings, he took her momentary shocked silence as a chance to escape. He had to know how the mission was going. He took a deep, yet constricting breath as he headed out of the Oval. Cy followed him out without a single sound, down the the hall to where they had their morning meetings. Abby and Harrison had their eyes glued to the screen as it was just showing them arriving – and Quinn was in the corner. She was facing away from the TV sipping some sort of drink. Fitz took his usual seat at the head of the table.

He took a deep breath and looked at the screen. He was either watching the start of his new life, or the end of any sort of life that he thought he might be able to have. He took a deep breath, trying to calm himself down – she was going to be fine. She was going to be fine, then they would figure something out. If she didn't want him, she didn't want him – but that child was his. He finally would have something solid with her – that baby. Their baby.

"Sir," Cyrus said as he slipped into the seat next to him, "Are you sure you want to be watching this?"

"What am I supposed to do?" Fitz asked, "Stand outside the door?"

"I was just checking, Sir," Cyrus replied.

"Cy, call in orders, I don't care if they take him dead or alive," Fitz said and Cyrus raised his eyebrows.

"That's a little dark for you," Cyrus said, and Fitz looked over at him.

"Do it."

"Are you sure, Sir?"

"The man threatened the woman I love and my unborn child," Fitz said and Cyrus simply continued to look at him, eyebrows raised.

"No, keep it on your orders."

"Liv's pregnant?" Harrison piped up.

"What?" Quinn turned around quickly, "There's a baby?"

"We just got the tape of an ultrasound today," Cyrus said for Fitz, whose fists were once again clentched.

"Don't worry, Mr. President," Harrison told him, "We have the best men on the case that we could possibly have. Huck won't let anything happen to her. She's strong – she'll be ok."

"I won't believe that she's anything until she's lying in the hospital," Fitz said as he ran his hands down his face.

"Makes sense," Abby said, and Quinn looked at him thoughtfully.

"You really love her, don't you?" She said and Fitz just sort of looked over at her – he took a deep breath.

"I do," Fitz replied as he leaned closer into the table, "I don't know what's going to happen if I she doesn't come back from this."

"Sir, how did you two meet?" Harrison asked, "How did this happen?"

"She never told –" Abby said and Fitz stopped her.

"I already have enough to grovel for, I'm not adding that to my list," He said simply, "Whatever happened to Stephen?"

"He left," Harrison replied.

"He knew? He knew, didn't he?"

**Three Years Ago: **

"I'm supposed to be meeting my friend," Olivia said, as Fitz followed her into her office at the White House.

"Your friend?" He asked, the shades were down, as per usual – he leaned over and kissed her.

He was sitting on her desk now, right where her chair was supposed to have her sitting – his feet on the chair. He looked her up and down for a second, then simply caught her eye. She was blushing, like he hadn't done the same thing a hundred times, in various stages of undress. She smiled as she wrapped her arms around his neck, leaning in and kissing him softly.

"I have friends."

"I'm not surprised," He told her, placing his hands down low on her hips, "Does this friend happen to be male?"

"Seriously," She stepped back, and he knew immediately that she was upset, he had over stepped – he felt a weird sense of loss as her arms abandoned his neck, "I don't think you get to be any kind of jealous as long as Mellie's wandering the halls."

"I'm sorry," He told her, she had told him on multiple occasions how much she hated the situation, "It was stupid of me. Insensitive, sorry."

"You know you're the only one I'm with – which is more than you can say," She looked like she was about to break down – and he hopped off the desk.

"I know, I'm sorry, Livy," He told her, putting a gentle hand on either side of her rib cage, ducking down a bit to get a good look at her face, "I feel awful, ok? I'm sorry. I love you more than anything, you have to know that, Liv."

"I know," She said, allowing her face to be tipped upwards by a gentle hand as he leaned in and kissed her, "I love you."

He smirked, kissed her softly again, and then trailed a line of kisses down the side of her neck.

"Firz," Her voice was somewhere between a moan and normal speech.

"What?" He whispered into her head, pressing her up against the wall behind her, "What do you want, Livy? Anything, just tell me what you want."

"Mmmm, Fitz," She smiled as she lifted his head up, so they were nearly nose to nose, and she kissed him, "I just want you."

"Liv?" Fitz heard a slightly Scottish accent on the other side of the door.

"A scot?" He checked, quirking an eyebrow.

"Shit," She breathed, trying to straighten herself out as she headed towards the door, "Coming, Stephen."

"So apparently I'm killing two birds with one stone," He said as he walked in, looking her up and down playfully – Fitz felt a surge of jealousy, "Catching up with you and meeting the new…. Guy. Hello, Mr. President, sir."

"Stephen, President Grant; President Grant, Stephen."

"Why're _you_ calling him President Grant?" Stephen looked at her a little funny.

"Stephen-"

**Present Day: **

"Yeah, he knew," Fitz said as he looked up at the TV.

"That should be the room that they have her in," Harrison replied, "It's weird – they've only come across a couple people so far."

"It's the middle of the night," Cyrus replied and Fitz checked his watch.

"No," He said, his heart racing as it was about to strike eleven, "They're filming."

The Seals burst open the door – and the camera they had for the live feed started to go fuzzy from all of the commotion. Fitz was having trouble following exactly what was going on. There were people going every which way, and suddenly everything stopped. There were a couple shots fired, and then silence. The whole room was silent, because apparently no one else could really follow it either. It seemed they were about to get a clearer picture as to what was going on, and suddenly the whole TV went black.

"What happened?" Fitz said, though it came out as more of a yell, "What the hell happened?"

"We lost the feed," Quinn said, and Fitz's thoughts about her being the Captain Obvious of the group were officially concerned.

"I'll try and get Huck on the line…" Harrison said, whipping out his cellphone.

"I'll try the group leader," Cyrus said, pulling out his own cellphone.


	8. Bell Bottom Blues

A/N: Ok, song's by Derek and The Dominos. The themes of it are more in Fitz's head in the chapter... but it's also one of my favorite songs on the face of the earth.. .so there's that... Enjoy :)

Finding A Way

Chapter Eight: Bell Bottom Blues

"We've got her," Huck said, very clearly over the speakerphone on Harrison's phone, "She's in rough shape… the ambulance pulled her away before I got a good look."

"So she's en route to the hospital?" Harrison clarified as Fitz took the first free breath he had had in weeks, months.

"Yes," Huck said as Fitz let his head fall back and looked up at the ceiling.

He was walking in the emergency room –though nothing about it looked like an emergency room. The secret service had long since cleared it out, purely in anticipation. Fitz had been out of the White House within a couple minutes, riding in his limousine with Cy – Abby, Harrison, and Quinn opting to take their own car. He had started to feel the relief as they drove towards the hospital, though he clung to the small amount of disappointment that he knew he could have. He didn't want to get his hopes up. They had no idea whether or not they had gotten to her before they had done anything to the baby. They said they got her, but there was no way of knowing whether or not they had done anything just before they had gotten to her.

They had taken her right into an exam, she was screaming and upset so they had had to give her a sedative. Fitz had gotten to the hospital just after the ambulance. He got there to find Huck giving the doctors last minute details as they putlled her in on the stretcher. She was screaming then, but they very quickly gave her a sedative and brought her away to be taken care of. He had been trying to catch up with the stretcher, but they had whisked her away too quickly - he hadn't even got a good look at her before she was gone. The doctors brought him to a private room, where they said they would bring her when she was ready. He took a deep breath and collapsed into a chair near where the bed was supposed to go.

Cyrus was sitting with her team just outside the door in the hallway. He was sure Tom was around somewhere - but he didn't really care enough about his whereabouts to really worry about looking for him. He put his head his his hands, and every minute started to feel like an hour. He rubbed his eyes carefully - not sure it he was going to pass out or be able to wait. He wanted her there - he understood that they needed to check her out - and he wanted every test they could think of to be run to make sure that she was ok. He wasn't even entirely sure what to even be worried about. He needed Olivia, and he needed the baby to be ok. He knew that she would be ok - they had her out, and physically she would be ok. But if they lost the baby - if some how the baby wasn't ok - he wasn't sure what was going to happen to them. He didn't know how Olivia would be able to get over it - he didn't know if he would be able to get over it.

The longer he sat there, the longer his brain went in circles. What would happen if something was wrong with her? If something was wrong with the baby? If something was wrong with her? If something was wrong with the baby? If something was wrong with his child? His daughter, or his son? After a while it started to change. He ran his hands back through his hair and sighed heavily. He just wanted them to be back there, nad in his sights. He didn't know exactly what he was going to do or say - but he needed her.

"Sir," said a nurse as she walked in with Tom.

"Yes," Fitz looked up.

"Sir, your agent here just asked me to come give you an update," She said, and Fitz nodded, "Well, she was in better shape than we thought she would be coming in. They're just finishing up the tests and she should be back soon. It seems that most of the afflictions were minor – these people, according to the doctors knew what they were doing. These were minor injuries with a maximum amount of pain."

"The baby?" Fitz asked her and she nodded.

"It's borderline," She said, "The baby is only three weeks along, so there's no heartbeat for us to go on – but it seems that nothing has been damaged as far as it is concerned. We're going to have to keep an eye on it, but it should be ok. Her body isn't rejecting it, and we'll just have to watch her carefully – she'll probably have to stay under observation for a while. They should be bringing her down momentarily. She's still out of it, but she should be waking up later this evening."

"Thank you," Fitz breathed, and she smiled a little as she backed out of the room and Tom took a spot in the back corner of the room.

That was when he stopped worrying about whether or not they were going to be ok. He had no doubt in his mind that they would be fine – they had to be. It was what was going to happen to him that was worrying him now. It was him worrying about what Olivia would do once she woke up. Once he told her what he had done to Verna, and what he had become. She wouldn't report him, that wasn't what concerned him – what concerned him was what she would do. If she would blacklist him – make him leave her alone, and raise the child alone. Whether she would allow a murderer to raise her child, it wasn't really a question. He would never see the kid if she knew. But she had to know. He had to tell her, he couldn't just ride off into the sunset with her and their child and not tell her. He took a deep breath and swallowed – it felt dry in his throat.

"Sir," said Cyrus as he edged into the room, "Any…"

"They're bringing her up now," Fitz told him, and Cyrus nodded as Fitz had his hand across his brow.

"Sir, do you need anything? Coffee? Water?"

"Water," Fitz replied, and Cyrus nodded as he headed out of the room.

Fitz took a deep breath and leaned back in his chair – his back cracking as he did so. He didn't know what he was going to say. There was no reason to tell her everything as soon as she woke up. He had a little bit of time before he had to tell her, he would just have to time it perfectly. She had to get better – but he had to do it before they started registering for the baby shower. He about two weeks, or so he figured, before he had to tell her - two weeks to be that baby's daddy - to love that kid as much as he could, as much as he did. He had been thinking about his life with her for years. Their first kid, their life together, and in none of his wildest nightmares did it start off like this. He took a deep breath and looked over at Tom, who gave him a slightly reassuring look.

"Tom?"

"Yes, sir," He said.

"I want you to go back to the White House, there are plenty of Agents here, and I'm not going anywhere for a long time," He said, "I need you to go back to the White House, and get the folder out of my left desk drawer. I'm going to need a suit, a pair of jeans, and the zip up sweater that just came back from the cleaners- it should be right in the closet. I don't know if anyone's even put it away yet. And I need you to let Mellie know I'm not going to home for a while. Tell her Teddy's favorite monkey is in the Oval, put on Sinatra - it's what I sing to him to make him go to sleep, and he'll stop crying. If all else fails - wrap him up with his frog."

"Yes, Sir," said Tom, and he left the room.

He wasn't left alone for a long time before they rolled Olivia's stretcher into the room. He watched as they lifted her tiny, frail little body into the bed. They fixed all her cords, and worked on correcting all the crossed wires that were coming out of her.

"Sir," said what looked like the chief of surgery, "Are you her only contact?"

"I don't know," He replied and the doctor nodded.

"We have her on a feeding tube," the doctor said, "She's been starved, whoever had her, they were feeding her just enough to keep her alive – and it wasn't consistent in the least. We're having a mixture of vitamins and other nutrients to kick start her system. I'm surprised the fetus is in as good a shape as it is – but we won't know for a little while if it is still viable – it's early. Other than that, she's in pretty good shape, physically. We found trace amounts of tranquilizers – not the kind we use, and a drug commonly called Venom. It's a cocktail of different types of venom – they cause physical pain throughout the whole body – but wouldn't have any effect on the fetus. It's usually used for torture."

"Well that makes sense then," Fitz said, looking over at Olivia.

"We have her hooked up to a fetal monitor," He continued, "Which should give us a better idea of what's going on. We just need to monitor the development rate. We should know within twenty-four hours whether or not it will be ok. That's usually the time frame in which her body will reject it if –"

"Thank you," Fitz replied, and the doctor nodded as he left the room, with the nurses.

As soon as they were gone he scooted up and placed his hand gently on Olivia's arm. She looked so weak, an adjective that he would have never before used to describe her. An adjective that he never would have thought that he would ever think when he looked at her, but seeing her lying there in the bed – it would be the death of him. It would destroy him to continue to see her like this. She was always small, tiny, adorable – yet there was just something so completely off about seeing her lying there, boney, and so broken. Of course she was going to be ok, but was he. How did you recover from seeing the love of your life tortured?

He put his forehead down on the mattress by her thigh. He reached up and put a very careful, shaky hand onto her stomach – as if he could will the baby to pull through. His hand intertwined itself with her hand – and he prayed. He hadn't for a very long time. He prayed that the baby would survive, that she would be ok. That if it was what it took that he could die – right there with Olivia. That Olivia would be ok, that the baby would pull through. That if he could transfer his pathetic, sinning, terrible life for that of his baby. That sweet innocent child – and Liv. He wanted them to live – he didn't deserve to, but they did. They deserved a life. They deserved everything they wanted or needed. Everything in the world.

"Sir, your water," Cyrus said as he walked into the room – and Fitz lifted his head, barely.

"Thanks, Cy."

"Sir, we should get you back to the White House," Cyrus said, "Get you changed, get you all set up. You can't be here. She'll be ok - they'll call us when she wakes up... Her friends are here."

"I'm not going anywhere, Cyrus," He said, "I sent Tom back for a minute, to get clothes and things for me. I guess I'll be staying here a couple days."

"Sir…"

"I'm not leaving her side, Cyrus," Fitz replied, holding onto her hand a little tighter.

"Fitz, you can't be serious," Cy said, "You can't be here. You have to be at the White House. If anyone found out…"

"Let them find out," Fitz shot back at him, "What's it matter. She's the love of my life, she's now carrying my child – an the presidency – at this point… Long story short, I'm not leaving her side."

"Yes, sir," Cyrus replied, and he turned to head out of the room.

"Wait, Cy," Fitz said, stopping him from leaving the room.

"Yes, Mr. President?"

"Can you send Huck in, please?" He asked and Cyrus went out of the room with a nod.

He started to stroke the back of Olivia's hand softly as he retracted his other hand from her stomach. He took a deep breath and looked over at her heart rate monitor to make sure that there was nothing going haywire. He looked over at the door as Huck walked into the room – closing the door carefully behind him. He looked over at Olivia for a second and Fitz followed his gaze He had never been entirely certain of the nature of her and Huck's relationship – he just knew that he was lucky Huck had never come and knocked on the door for him. He had a feeling that that more had to do with the fact that the secret service was watching over him. Though, he was sure if Huck really wanted to he would be able to get to him without too much of a problem.

"How is she?"

"She's gonna be fine," Fitz replied, and Huck nodded, "They have to get her nutrition back on track, but everything should be all set."

"Good," said Huck, "You asked to see me specifically, Sir?"

"Yes, I did," He told him, "And there's no need to call me 'sir' Huck – I think out of everyone you know that the most."

"No offence, Sir," He replied, "But I'd like to continue on calling you sir."

"Ok," Fitz said, taking a deep breath, "Well I was wondering what the status was on Jake?"

"Ah, sir," Huck replied, looking at the ground, "In the struggle, they got away – all of them."

"All of them?" Fitz repeated, his heart sinking a little bit.

"Yes, sir," Huck replied, and Fitz nodded.

"You can stay here until she wakes up if you want," Fitz said, "But I want them found, ok?"

"I'll go now, sir," Huck replied.

"You can wait, if you want," FItz told him and Huck shook his head.

"Sir, she's unconscious," He told him, "Abby or Harrison, or Quinn will call me when she wakes up - it doesn't matter if I'm here now. It matters more that I find those creeps - it's my fault that they got away, Sir."

Fitz nodded and Huck dismissed himself to leave Fitz on his own with her again. He scooted his seat over closer to her, his hand around hers, and his thumb running over the parts of the back of her hand that weren't obscured by some foreign object poking out of her skin. He reached up and stroked the side of her cheek gently, the back of his hand brushing carefully across her soft skin. She quivered slightly, stirring, and he stood up. He brushed her hair back from her forehead. Her eyes popped open, and she was breathing unsteadily. Ragged, labored, and terrifying to hear. She was panicking, she didn't know what was going on - she was scared, and he was scared for her. He hadn't even thought about the long term mental effects yet. He took a deep breath and stooped down in an attempt to calm her down.

"Shh, Livy," He whispered as he cradled her head in his arms, "Sweet baby, it's ok. It's ok, you're safe. I've got you."

After a few minutes he got her to calm down. He stroked the side of her head, whispered in her ear how much he loved her - how safe she was. How he was never going to let anything like that happen to her ever again. Nothing was ever going to happen to her period. He kissed the side of her head, her face, her cheek until her breathing slowed, she was calming down. The panic in her eyes was starting to fade and he leaned back for a second. He took a deep breath and she looked over at him.

"Fitz," She breathed, "Jake..."

"I know," He told her, moving closer to her again, taking back her hand, "Huck's on it - he's out there right now trying to track him down."

"What're you doing here?"

"Where else would I be, Olivia?" He asked her, "And I'm not going anywhere until you tell me to go. Do you want me to go now?"

"No," She said without a thought, and he nodded,"They said I'm..."

"I know."

"I'm sorry about Defiance. If you'd let me explain..."

"Don't be sorry," He told her, "There will be plenty of time for us to talk, but right now you need to get better, ok?"

"Ok," She breathed, and he gave her an encouraging, small smile, "The baby-"

"We don't know yet."


	9. If I Had A Gun

A/N: Hey guys... :) I hope you're all still enjoying this story as much as I am...the song's by Noel Gallagher's High Flying Birds... I wish I could say that I was doing something productive instead of writing this- but not really :P Anyways, enjoy :)

Finding A Way  
Chapter Nine: If I Had a Gun

Fitz stayed in the hospital with Olivia for the next couple days. He communicated with Cyrus when was necessary, but saw no reason that he couldn't do the same job from the hospital room, sitting by Olivia's bedside as he would have sitting in the Oval Office. He figured that if anything he would be able to focus better knowing that she was fine, sitting right in front of him. It was better than him sitting in the Oval Office not knowing for sure whether or not she was ok for sure. He was much more comfortable sitting there – knowing that she was ok simply because he was sitting there. He felt better sitting there with her than he had in weeks, maybe months. She slept most of the time, getting her strength back. At two days in they came in and took out her feeding tube. Then they brought her dinner, and he had never seen anyone eat solid food so quickly in his life.

"See?" She answered his raised brow as she looked up from her meal, halfway through, "I'm eating."

"Very quickly," He chuckled, and she rolled her eyes.

"Does this mean that you'll finally be a good boy and listen to Cy?" She asked, "The country needs you - you need to be in the office."

"No," He replied, shaking his head softly, "I don't need to be anywhere as much as I need to be here, with you."

"You're such a pain in the ass, I'm fine," She said and Fitz shook his head, "Cyrus must be going insane over there without you. It's a house of cards, your whole presidency. You can't let me be the one to bring it down."

"We haven't even gotten official word on the baby," He replied, and she paused, "And, I get to bring it down. I'm the only one who can."

"...And we get news on the baby that today," She reminded him, "Then will you go back to the White House?"

"Is that what you want?" He asked as he took a deep breath and scooted in closer to her.

"The country has to keep going," She said, and he gave her an indignant look.

"That wasn't an answer to my question," Fitz said pointedly, somewhat taken aback, "Do _want_ me to go?"

He watched emotions he had seen a million times argue themselves back and forth across her face. He was seeing the argument that she had been having since the campaign trail moving like a freight train through her head. It had been there the night that they had met in the Rose Garden, the night of the inauguration in the Oval Office, and it had been there that night at Clooney's ball. It was the hesitancy, the hesitancy to be happy – that she felt like she was stealing happiness from someone else. Like she didn't deserve to be happy. She had had it all the way through – even before, to the best of his knowledge, that campaign rigging was even a thought on the horizon.

"You didn't rig the election so that you didn't have to be with me," He spoke his conclusion and she gave him a strange look.

"That's what you thought?" She asked him, "You thought I rigged the election so that I could leave you? You thought I felt guilty for causing so much trouble, and I could use your presidency as an excuse? Are you kidding me? I love you, Fitz. I've always loved you, and I probably always will. I think you're forgetting about something else that happened. When we were in the yard at the ranch. I came out to find you because you'd stormed off after your father's funeral – I'd given you a little while, a little privacy. But then when I went and found you, you were chopping wood, and crying, and telling me that you wanted to be president. That you wanted it, and you were going to do it. I told you that I thought you would be an excellent president, and you are. You're beloved, Fitz. You didn't give me a chance to explain why I did it. I did it because I loved you – love you. Losing that election would have torn you apart. You wouldn't have been ok, Fitz. I don't care what you say – you wouldn't. And yes, if I could go back and change it, I probably would… There was no reason for you to be shot."

"We could be together," He said, "I could have divorced Mellie years ago, and she would have agreed to it. She wouldn't have stayed with me if I'd lost, you and I both know that. We could be together, Livy. I could have been free of her and married to you by now."

"That's why you were so angry, that's why you took it on yourself to not let me explain?" She asked, "You thought I didn't want to be with you? We had only been together a few months, Fitz. I had every intention of waiting around for you to be done. Then Mellie knew, and she wasn't going anywhere. I felt guilty, and I left. You always through that in my face – but it's not like you chased me. Even in our own sick back ally way – you didn't lift a finger."

"I lifted many," He replied simply, "Just never to do the right thing, I'm sorry, Livy. I'm so sorry. I've screwed everything up."

This was it. This was the exact moment where he should have told her that he had been the cause of Verna's death, slightly before her time. He should confess to her that he killed her, told her everything. He stayed silent, she was still so weak, and what did telling her do? Nothing. It didn't do anything to help anyone. All it would do was clear his conscious and fill her's. He couldn't do that to her, he couldn't. Especially not yet. He had to sit on it, and he couldn't tell her. What if she turned him over to the police? He would be getting what he deserved, but he knew that that wasn't what would happen. What would happen would be that she would forgive him. She would be all understanding, and with that fixer personality of hers she would just put it on herself. It would somehow be her fault, and he couldn't let that happen. It wasn't her fault that he had deprived an old woman of her oxygen. It had been him protecting her, but there were thousands of other ways that he could have done that – including hiring a damn security agent to make sure she wasn't kidnapped and starved to death. She deserved to know, but no. He couldn't tell her, not now.

"How's it taste?" Olivia's doctor, sworn to secrecy walked into the room and Olivia smiled.

"It probably really tastes like hospital food crap," Olivia said, setting down her fork, "But having not eaten in about two weeks, it tastes absolutely delicious."

"Good to hear you have a healthy appetite," The Doc smiled at her and Fitz looked on affectionately.

"So," Olivia said, momentarily pushing the food aside.

Fitz hopped up and took it for her – putting it on the side table as Olivia lifted her still frail looking hand and rested it on her stomach. He was happy to do anything as long as it meant that he was actually doing something. It was like in the past few days he had lost all of his power – serves him right, it wasn't really his power to begin with. But still, like he had lost all his power in the world, because he still couldn't make Olivia be better, and the baby ok. It was out of his control, which wasn't something that he was used too. Come to think of it, he hadn't really had control, or a stronger hand since Jake had taken her from the ball. And what did it mean if Olivia wasn't in the picture? Nothing.

"The fetus seems to be fine," The doctor told her and Fitz sighed in pure relief, "It's growing on schedule, you wouldn't happen to know the conception date, would you?"

"Around the fourteenth," She replied, and the doctor raised an eyebrow, "Pretty sure."

"Ok, well then it's doing perfectly," He said, "Your body seemed to have protected it over itself though – you have a bit of a recovery to go through."

"The baby is ok, though?" Fitz asked.

It was good news, and he was almost too shell shocked from all the bad news to allow himself to believe it. He was almost certain that it was some cruel trick – there was no way the baby was ok. It was too easy, and he had come to expect everything to come out wrong. He expected the painful, he had been expecting the doctor to walk right in and tell them that she had lost the baby. But somehow, the little guy (or girl) had survived. This was really happening, not in the way that he planned, but he was going to have a child with Olivia. He took a deep breath and sat down.

"Yes, sir," The doctor said, and he looked back at Olivia, "You can get out of here as soon as you like, though I'd like to keep monitoring the fetus for a couple weeks, make sure its development isn't thrown too far off track. And if it is, if we can throw it back on with supplements."

"That sounds excellent," She said and the doctor nodded.

"It's just, do you have someone to stay with you?" He asked, "Because if not, I'd like to keep you here for a couple more days. You're not nearly as strong as we'd like to see – you're doing well, but you still seem very weak. I'll let you rest, and see if you can get someone to stay with you. I'll be back around noon, and I'll sign your discharge papers then if you can find someone."

"You're coming and staying with me," Fitz said, he wasn't even sure if the doctor was out of earshot – but he really couldn't bring himself to care.

"What?" Olivia looked at him as if he were speaking in tongues or something.

"I'm serious," He said, "I'll have a room made up for you. It's either you come to stay with me, or I'll call your mother, personally."

"You wouldn't."

"I would."

"She hates you."

"So what's to lose?" Fitz asked, and Olivia shook her head.

"I can't believe you," She replied, "How is anyone going to explain that one? Mellie's not going to let me rest and recover under her roof…"

"It's not her roof, it's my roof," Fitz replied, and Olivia rolled her eyes.

"It's weird."

"It's not even my roof, technically," Fitz replied, "Besides, Livy. You're one of the main contributors to the roof being over anyone's head. What's she going to say? Even if she does say something, I don't want you to listen, ok? You're carrying my child in there – my child that I don't want out of my sight, or at least my wingspan. I want you safe – Jake's still out there somewhere. We haven't found him yet, remember? You and my child are still in danger, and I'm not going to allow you to be outside the reach of Tom."

"Tom can stay with me at my place until you catch him," Olivia replied, and Fitz shook his head.

"No, you're coming, and you're staying in the residence," Fitz said, very sternly, "And that's that."

It took a further two hours to try and convince Olivia that it would be ok if she came and stayed at the White House. It wasn't as if there really was another option. The team had a business to run so that it would still be there when she got back, and he couldn't sit in the hospital for the rest of his term. He had to eventually go back, even if it was just to quit. He wasn't seeing much of an option but to quit at this point, but he wasn't about to bring that up now. It wasn't time to bring up anything that might stress her out. She was probably already stressed to the max to begin with. She had just woken up from a kidnapping to find out that she was nearly starved to death and that she was pregnant. Thank God it was his, and not Jake's – or whoever else had been in on the kidnapping. The doctors had said that she was drugged, but they found no cause for thoughts of sexual abuse. Fitz felt a lot better knowing for certain, not just taking her kidnapper's word for it.

He called the head of security at the White House and asked for a car to be sent, before calling Cy. He told Cyrus to make sure that the guest room on the far side of the residence was all set to house Olivia for at least a week. He could hide her there as long as he could – at least until she was a lot stronger. That way he could have the doctor come visit her there, and not miss a single appointment. He wondered how long she would put up with being taken care of. He assumed it wouldn't be long, but until then he would take care of her as best he could while he juggled getting back into some sort of rhythm. It wasn't just Teddy that needed him now – it was Olivia, and this baby. The older two were fine. They were sixteen and eighteen – they were fine. Karen was getting ready to start looking at schools, and Gerry would be getting his license as soon as he got home for the summer. They were almost all grown up.

"Go, do your job," Olivia told him as soon as they walked into the White House, him pushing her wheel chair.

"I'm making sure that you're all set up first," Fitz replied, and Olivia rolled her eyes.

"Have I told you that you're a pain in the ass today?"

"I believe so."

"Good," She said, but it was a smile that crossed her face.

"We still have a bit of talking to do," He told her as they got onto the elevator with Tom.

"We have the world to figure out, Fitz," Olivia told him, and he nodded.

"And a Jake to find," Tom commented and Olivia turned her head around to look at him, "Congratulations, Miss Pope. I'm terrified to think what that child is going to come out like."

"I'm anticipating many a hissy fit," Fitz replied and Tom chuckled as the elevator opened on the landing.

Fitz wheeled her out of the elevator and went in the back door to a second portion of the residence. It was completely unused by Mellie and the kids, it was an area that could be renovated in case the family got any bigger, or in some cases the Vice President lived there with their family. Langston opted to live with her husband in one of the southern rooms of the mansion, their daughter at school most of the time. When she wasn't in school, then they lived away from the White House. They had bought a house a few streets over in a residential area. It made sense, Langston thought it would be odd for her to live there all year round. He wheeled Olivia's chair in and helped her into her bed.

"Now, Tom's going to stay with you, in case you need anything," Fitz told her as he did his best to tuck her in, kissing her forehead, "I'll be by tonight to see you, ok? There's a few things I have to handle."

"Ok," Olivia said, sinking into the pillows.

"Don't be afraid to tell Tom if you need anything, Livy," Fitz warned her, "He can be in touch with me in a matter of seconds, ok?"

"Ok," Olivia replied and Fitz kissed her softly before leaving the room.

He left her portion of the residence, trying to ignore the déjà vu that was creeping up on him. They had more than once used the second residence for things other than the presidential when she was working at the White House. Fitz leaving her in bed with a kiss and a promise to see her later, it all felt so much of the same. He took a deep breath – but it wasn't. Nothing would ever be the same – because he wasn't going to let it. He was going to fix it, fix everything, fix what he could. He stopped just outside the door to the residence, where Teddy wouldn't be. It was his play time – the nurses would have him outside. Mellie would be sitting in the residence reading, or scheming up something while she pretended to be spending time with her son. He shivered, and walked in.

"You're home," Mellie said, "So this means Olivia was discharged from the hospital, or something?"

"She was," Fitz stopped, "She's going to be staying in the other side of the residence, until she gets her feet under her. I just thought you should know."

"What? I will not have that woman staying here."

"Well I will," Fitz said, "I just got her settled into her room myself, "I can't do my job – the job that you wanted me to have so badly, and take care of her unless she is here. So she is here."

"I'll go to the press."

"Go for it, you'll save me a step," He replied, "At least that way I won't have to convince Liv that she should let me divorce you. That way the convincing's already done – the more you tell them, the less there will be to salvage. And trust me, Mellie, those kids, aren't going anywhere. They're my children, and there's no way you can take them away from me. Karen's eighteen, Gerry's sixteen. Teddy's a baby, but there's no way anyone working with you will give you custody over me. All I'll have to do is bring his nurses in, and there's no way the judge would give him to you. Especially if it comes out how and why he was conceived – a desperate political move that I was trapped into – just some food for thought, Mel. I don't have time for this right now, I have a country to run, and a woman I need to take care of."


	10. The Weight

A/N: Hello, I figured it was time to continue on with this – hope you guys enjoy the chapter :) The Song's by The Band…anyways happy chapter!

Finding A Way

Chapter Ten: The Weight

Fitz was sitting in the Oval Office, he had just gotten back from a meeting with Cyrus and some of his advisers. He was trying to get back on track, at least a little bit. Cyrus and he had stayed an extra half hour in the meeting room once everyone had gone to that Cyrus could give him a quick rundown of what was going on. It was no where near the level of information that he needed – but it would keep him from making a fool of himself in the meetings for the rest of the day. He took a deep breath. Teddy's nurses had dropped him off almost as soon as he had gotten back – so he was sitting on the floor. Teddy was playing contently on the rug in front of him, and Fitz ran his hand back through his hair.

"Aaaahhh raaaa," Teddy was babbling in baby speak, and Fitz smiled as he reached over and handed him the toy that he was reaching for.

"Here you go, buddy," He said simply, "You won't notice a difference, will you? Your mom and I are never in the same room for more than a couple minutes anyways. You want a little sibling, right? That way you're not stuck as the youngest kid."

Teddy smiled and cackled as he hugged his stuffed elephant. Fitz returned the baby's smile and picked him up, pulling him back and into his arms. He laid down on his back and held the boy up and wriggled him around so that he would laugh as he dropped the stuffed animal onto his father's chest. Fitz chuckled as he stood up, dropping the toy on the floor as he went over to his desk to check in on his desk. He set Teddy on the desk, and kept his hand there to keep him from crawling off as he checked his schedule. The doctor was coming to see Olivia that afternoon, and he would throw himself in front of a train before he missed it.

He picked Teddy back up and kissed the top of his head. There was no reason to wait for her appointment to go and visit her, he had about an hour before he had his next meeting. He went up to the residence, meaning to drop Teddy off. The nurses were having their lunch in their quarters, but one of them was done, and more than happy to take him. Fitz wouldn't have minded taking him with him – but he had a feeling that Mellie would call him out on it – not that she really cared, but she would pretend to.

"Livy," He called as he walked into the other end of the residence.

She was doing a little better, and had just started moving around really. She was sitting on the couch when he walked in – reading her book that he had ordered for her so that she would at least be entertained. There was a small stack of them on the coffee table. In the corner there was a blanket and pillow, not quite hidden behind the chair. He had been sleeping on the couch, mostly because he wasn't sure that he was ready to climb in bed with her – he was afraid that he would break her. She was still really frail – and he didn't like it.

"Hi," She said as he sat down next to her.

"Hello, beautiful," He said, wrapping an arm around her carefully and very gently brushing his lips against the side of her head.

"Oh, of course," She shifted away from him a little bit – she had made no secret of not entirely forgiving him for being so cold – that might have also had something to do with him sleeping on the couch.

"I love you." He told her.

"Then why did you…"

"I'm sorry, Livy," He told her again, "It was stupid of me. I take back everything I've said since Verna's funeral."

"So we're back to me waiting for you?" Olivia said, "For how long this time? How long should I plan on this before you change your mind?"

"Livy," He said simply, "I promise, I won't-"

"How can I trust you?"

"Because – Olivia," He took a deep breath, "You can't. That's why I told you not to wait for me. Trust me…"

"Trust you, what?" She asked, "If the voting wasn't – why couldn't I wait for you? What's changed since then?"

"Not much," He breathed, feeling the tension building to almost intolerable levels.

"Then why the hell should I take you back?"

"You shouldn't."

"No wonder we had so much trouble in the debates," She commented, and he rolled his eyes, "I need to know why. If it wasn't the voting, then what the hell happened between that morning where you were begging me to wait for you and the funeral? It was three days. You held on for years and then…"

"I killed Verna," He confessed, "She told me everything. How she hired that girl to kill me, about the voting – she told me everything. And, she was going to tell the D.A. David Rosen. I took her oxygen, I let her drown. I couldn't let you wait for me. I couldn't let you wait for a monster, Livy. I'm not who you think I am, and I'm not good enough. Then you got kidnapped, and I had to get you- I have to protect you. I understand if you don't want me around you, or the baby – but… I'm going to set you up. I'm going to protect you."

"Oh my God, Fitz," Olivia said, looking at him with watery eyes, "You…"

"She was going to squeal on everyone, Cy, Mel, You," He said as she leaned back, leaning against the arm of the couch as she just looked at him.

The look on her face was exactly the one that he had been expecting. She was a complete mixture of anger and sadness, but mostly she just looked so upset that he had to look down at the ground. He felt better, which made him feel a whole lot worse. He felt better having confessed, but he felt awful. All the shame, pain, and guilt that he had been hitting himself over the head with for months was now coming at him from Olivia. He had been dreading it since the moment that they announced that she and the baby would be fine – but he wasn't yet sure if it was better or worse than what he had been expecting.

He took a deep breath, trying compose himself. All he could see the was the look on Verna's face as the last seconds of her life were passing. He couldn't get those images out of his head, and hadn't been no matter how hard he was trying. He could justify it over and over again, make it so that he couldn't imagine any other option.

"Fitz," He felt a hand on his back.

"Liv," Fitz said as he tried to get out of her way – but she reached into his pocket and handed him his handkerchief.

"Fitz," She took a deep breath, "I understand now – and I can't believe that you didn't just tell me that."

"What?" Fitz replied, surprised – she seemed to be taking the news fairly well.

"You should go," She told him, and Fitz felt like his whole world was going to collapse.

"Livy…"

"The doctor'll be here in a couple minutes," She replied "And you're a mess. Go clean up, and come back when you can hold yourself together. If you miss the doctor I'll fill you in. We'll talk about this tonight."

"What?" Fitz's eyebrows shot up into his hairline.

"Go, Fitz," She said and Fitz did as he was told.

He went over into the bathroom and splashed some water on his face. He looked into the mirror and took a deep breath. There was no way he was missing Liv and his baby's doctor's appointment. She might not have fully processed it yet, but for now she was going to let him be around – and that he was going to do. He washed his face and then went to take a stroll around the area outside the residences for a minute. He had about a half hour before the doctor showed up – Tom was bringing him in, so all he had to do was wait. He went in to see Teddy for a couple minutes, and then headed back towards Olivia's side of the residence.

"How did I know I'd be able to find you here?" Mellie said as she walked up to him, and he rolled his eyes.

"What is it that you want, Mel?" He asked, backing up towards the door, his hand on the door handle.

"Why was Tom escorting a doctor in, honey?" Mellie asked.

"For Olivia."

"Is she dead?" Mellie asked, a note of hope in her voice, "Is that why you're out here looking like this?"

"No, she's not dead, Mellie," Fitz exhaled it as if it were all one word, "I would never let that happen."

"Some things are outside of your control, honey," Mellie continued, and Fitz winced a little bit.

"I'm not your 'honey' – so you can stop calling me that," He told her angrily, "No matter how much you try – it's over, Mellie. You and I are done – we've been done, and I'm moving on."

"When are you just going to give it up, sweetie?" She said, "How many times have you said these things – to me no less."

"Mellie, I honestly, just need you to stop, back off – leave me alone, and stop," He told her, taking a deep breath, "I put the divorce papers on your nightstand this morning. Sign them, and let's be done with this."

"You can't divorce me," She replied, her voice going a bit higher, into the danger zone, "You'll ruin everything. You'll ruin your presidency."

"I don't…"

"You're not planning on staying president," She realized, looking at him, horrified.

"I don't see how that's any of your business, Mellie."

"How dare you throw everything we've worked so hard for away like this," She said through gritted teeth, "What are you thinking? She wanted you in that office just as much as everyone else. She'll never let you give it all up for her."

"Things change," Fitz said, "And I'm not discussing this with you, ok? What I do from now on – unless it has something to do with Karen, Gerry, or Teddy – it's none of your business. This is a conversation that I will have with Olivia tonight."

"I'm assuming that's where you've been sleeping."

"On the couch? Yeah," Fitz replied, "In case she needs anything in the night."

"What, Fitz, we have people who can do that," She replied, and Fitz shook his head.

"Like that matters, I'm taking care of her."

"You can't run the country and take care of her."

"I have been for the past few days," He replied, taking a deep breath, "Now I have to go. Sign the damn papers, Mellie."

"She's not going to let you leave me. Not as long as you're in the White House."

"Things change."

"What's changed?"

"She's pregnant, Mellie," Fitz replied, "About a month along. I finally have a reason to leave you for her other than the simplistic fact that I love her. She can't just push me aside because of you anymore – she's thinking about the baby, not just her. And if for what ever reason she still doesn't want me – I'm not staying with you anyways."

With that Fitz noticed Tom walking the doctor up the hall and towards the door to Olivia's door. Fitz no longer had time to stand there and bicker with Mellie over something that was happening. There was no way around it. He twisted the door handle, leading the doctor and Tom into Liv's little apartment annex. He took a deep breath as Tom wheeled in some of the doctor's equipment. Most people didn't even know they were pregnant at this point – but Fitz was glad they knew. Any extra time for anything in their situation was a gift – even if they had to learn about it the way that they did.

"Doctor," Fitz greeted him as he led him into the living room – where Olivia was still sitting, wrapped up in a blanket.

"Thanks so much for coming out here," Olivia told him, trying to get up, and the doctor waved his hands at her.

"Stay seated, darling," He told her as Tom put his supplies on the coffee table, "You look remarkably better."

"I've had a pretty good team on me," She said, shooting a glance over at Fitz.

"I just don't want anything like what happened, to happen again," He replied, "I feel bad."

"It's not your fault," Olivia told him, and the doctor nodded.

"It's not," Tom said.

"You should listen to them, Mr. President," the doctor replied as he pulled out a pair of gloves, "Now if you two gentleman don't mind waiting in the other room – I'd like to get started with my examination."

Tom slowly backed out of the room, to give them a little privacy. Fitz didn't move, he gave Olivia a soft look.

"Sir…" The doctor started.

"Ah," Olivia said, "We're going to need to get a few things straight, doctor. You are sworn to confidentiality once you enter this room, no?"

"Yes, ma'am," The doctor replied.

"Good," Olivia said, taking a deep breath, "Fitz can stay, he's the father."

"Oh," The doctor looked slightly taken aback – and then covered it up with professionalism as he went to work.

"Fitz," Olivia put her arm out, motioning for him to go and sit beside her.

The exam went off without anymore hiccups, and before Fitz knew it he was heading back to the Oval Office to finish off his day. He walked Tom and the Doc to the elevator. Fitz took a deep breath as he waited with them for it to come. There was an eerie silence, and Fitz wasn't sure how to combat it.

"It's not what you think," Tom spoke up, and the doctor shook his head.

"It doesn't matter."

"It does though," Fitz replied, "You have to understand, Livy, this woman is my life. I love her. The world will know that soon enough – the only reason we're keeping it hushed is because I don't want anyone mobbing her. She's had enough of an ordeal."

"Completely understandable, Sir," The doctor replied, and Fitz nodded.

"Good."

With that, the doctor and Tom got onto the elevator and disappeared. Fitz continued his route down to the Oval Office, and finished up. He had a few things to sign, and a few things to put to rest for the night before he could retire for dinner. He went to his last meeting, aided by Cyrus helping him with the information. He took the last meeting's briefings back to the Oval to drop it off. As he closed the drawer he took a deep breath. He was not ready for the conversation that was going to happen when he walked through the door – but he was there and he was going to do it.

"Good evening, Livy," He said as he walked in, setting his brief case by the door.

"C'mon in the bedroom," She called and his ears perked up, "I'm just getting into bed."

"If you're tired we can talk tomorrow," He replied and she scoffed as he walked into the doorway, leaning against the frame.

His Livy was already lying in bed. She was propped up on pillows, all tucked in. She shut the TV off as he stepped in the doorway.

"Nonsense," She replied, "Why don't you sleep in here tonight? The bed's probably a lot comfier than the couch – you've been out there almost a week."

"You're sure?" He asked as he walked in cautiously, sitting on the other side of the bed.

"Yes," She said, taking a deep breath, "Fitz, it's not your fault –"

"Don't say that, I killed a woman, Olivia," Fitz replied, his eyes connecting with her's.

"Fitz – George Washington, Teddy Roosevelt, they both killed in war," Olivia said, "Jackson shot a man in a duel. Almost every president, including yourself has at least one person killed - even indirectly. This wasn't your battle, Fitz. It wasn't a declared war – but in all the killing that has happened – she had you shot. This wasn't your battle, we dragged you into it – so no, Fitz, it's not your fault. You're not a murderer, you've killed someone but that's not who you are. But I understand now why you were so cold. I'm not going to bar you from me, and I'm not going to bar you from your child. You're not that guy – you may have lost sight of the guy you are, but I haven't."

"You rigged the election, but that's not who you are either," Fitz replied, and she nodded, "I'm giving up. I gave Mellie divorce papers this morning. I'm going to resign as President."

"Fitz…"

"You and I both know it's not really mine," Fitz told her, taking a deep breath.

"I love you, Fitz," Olivia replied, and he leaned in and kissed her.

"I love you both," Fitz told her, putting a hand on her stomach.

"We'll have to figure it out so that we don't hurt the baby," Olivia said, "If it gets out, our kid is going to carry all of our mistakes for their whole life."

"We'll figure it out, Liv," He said, snuggling up to her, taking her into his arms, "She's Lucky her mommy's the world's greatest fixer. She does this sort of thing for a living."

"Her?"

"What, you don't want a little girl?" He asked her, and she smiled, "Ok, or him."


	11. I Gave You All

A/N: Hey guys! Once again, sorry it's been so long (After this week my schedule should calm down a little bit, which will be nice) If that episode didn't spark me up I don't know what would have… never been so happy to see him, huh? There's our sweet-hearted Fitz…. The chapter's title is after the Mumford & Son's song. Enjoy :)

Finding A Way

Chapter Eleven: I Gave You All

A week passed in near harmony, he was starting to get anxious about being sure that Jake was found. They were getting to the point where Jake would have to get pretty cocky and stick his head out of whatever hole he was hiding in. The FAA's records told them that he hadn't left the country, yet, under any of his known aliases. However, that didn't stop him from leaving under an entirely different name. He wanted him dead, even as he was lying there with just about everything he could ever want sleeping in his arms, he wanted Jake dead. He wanted him at least six feet under the ground – or even better, without even a body to bury. Then Liv's eyes flickered opened.

"Good morning, Livy," Fitz said as he tried to pull her closer under the covers.

"Mmm?" She replied as she squirmed away from him a little bit.

"What's the matter?" A concerned look took over his face.

"I want to get out of here, Fitz."

"I know," He mumbled, "But I can't let you go."

He tried to make it sound cute as he leaned in and kissed the side of her head. She let him pull her back into his arms. Still, having not yet found Jake and his posy – Fitz did not feel at all safe letting Olivia leave. She was getting so much better, stronger. However, he didn't want to let her leave. There was still a lingering threat from them. Why risk it? The team had started to come to the White House and they had been doing cases out of the living room. The team seemed to understand where he was coming from, Olivia on the other hand was getting frustrated, quickly.

"You can't just lock me in a tower," She replied, letting him kiss her cheek, "A dragon outside the door, and a moat."

"The dragon might be difficult – I could probably do the moat."

"Fitz."

"Livy," He replied, "Please. Just let me keep you here until we get these guys and figure out who hired them. Then you can go whenever and wherever you want, ok?"

"But you're going to have people following me…."

"Huck's handling that," Fitz told her, his hand shifting onto his stomach, "I just want you two to be safe"

"Speaking of the baby…"

"Livy, I have a plan," He told her, "I'm giving up the presidency, and no one's going to tell me otherwise, because it's not really mine in the first place. We're going to get a house together, away from everything. Then, I'm going to divorce Mellie and we're going to be together. We're going to raise our child together."

"I love you, Fitz," She kissed him, "But you don't have to-"

"I don't have to do anything," He agreed with her, "But I want to. I want you, and I want this baby, Liv. It might take longer than I want, but it's going to happen. And you don't have to feel guilty anymore – it's not just you."

"You have to get up," Olivia said, in a tone that told him she was far from convinced.

"I know," He replied, letting go of her and rolling out of bed, "I love you, I hope you have a good day."

"Fitz."

"Yeah?"

"You can't kill him," She rolled onto her side and looked up at him, "It makes sense. He kidnapped me, tortured me. He could have seriously damaged your unborn child. No one would blame you if you killed him, or had him killed. You have to let him live."

"I know." And he did.

"He probably deserves it – but so did Verna," Olivia replied, "But Fitz, it's not their souls I'm worried about. I'm worried about yours."

"I know," He repeated, "Me too."

"What're you going to do with him when you find him?"

"I don't know yet," He said as he leaned over her, kissing her softly, "But I don't want you to worry about it. I'll take care of it, ok?"

"Ok," Olivia breathed, and he smiled –seeing the trust in her eyes, "I love you, have a good day."

"I'll try and come see you around lunch," He replied as he headed into the bathroom to get ready for the day.

Though, his presidential duties were some of the last things on his list to do that day. His major goal, as it had been all week, was to get Mellie to sign the papers that she had already had shredded twice. He got out of the shower and dried off as quickly as he could before throwing on his suit, checking his watch as he put it on. He was late, already. It was a good thing he wasn't insisting on jogging every morning anymore. Then again, the reason he was getting out of bed late was also the reason he wasn't jogging. He walked back out into the bedroom, and fixed his hair in the mirror why his favorite reason not to do traditional exercise had fallen back to sleep.

He smiled to himself as he took one last look at her and headed out the door. He was almost to the Oval Office before he ran into anyone other than Tom, who was waiting for him outside Olivia's door, as always. For whatever reason he seemed to be standing up a little bit taller than he had been. He nodded in good-morning to his secretary and had his hand on the doorhandle before he heard Cyrus coming up behind him.

"You're looking chipper this morning, Sir," Cy commented, and Fitz nodded as he opened the door and ushered him inside.

"So where are we on the whole Jake issue?" Fitz asked as the door swung shut behind Cy.

"We have it a little worn down," Cyrus replied, "We know he's in the country, we know he's probably still on the East Coast. Though, we might have spotted him leaving the city going west this morning."

"He's not going to give up."

"No, sir."

"He was hired by someone."

"We're not entirely sure, but all signs are pointing that way, sir," Cyrus replied as Teddy's nurse walked in with him on her hip.

"Good morning, Mr. President," She said, walking briskly across the room and handing Teddy, and his blanket that he was hanging on to pretty heavily.

"Thank you, Theresa," He smiled as he took the baby, and she left the room.

He kissed the top of his son's head and then walked him over to the desk. Cyrus had fallen silent the second that the baby had been walked into the room. Fitz took a deep breath and walked over to put Teddy down in his play area for a minute . He walked back over in front of his desk and leaned back, crossing his arms as he looked at Cyrus seriously.

"He's a baby, Cyrus, not a tape recorder," Fitz replied, "And he's not learning to talk yet either – just keep it brief."

"Sir, what're you planning on doing?" He asked, and Fitz quirked an eyebrow at him, "Your wife is living on one side of the residence, and Olivia is living in the other. What are you planning on doing?"

"You know the plan, Cy," Fitz replied, taking a deep breath, "Even if I haven't told you – you know what my plan is."

"You're not running again."

"To say the least."

"What's the plan?" Cyrus asked, taking a deep breath, looking at Fitz for the answers.

"The agents outside Olivia's door have strict orders not to let Mellie in – so she shouldn't be able to get at her," Fitz replied, "But having them under the same roof is dangerous, Liv doesn't like it. Our plan right now is to find Jake, and then catch whoever hired him. As far as my presidency goes, we're doing damage control."

"Damage control, sir?" Cyrus asked, wincing slightly as he questioned it.

"Damage control," Fitz confirmed to him, "We have to be ready, I will not leave this country in as awful shape as it is now. We have to tune it up so that whoever comes in next, whenever they come in, has a good starting point. We have to make sure that we're getting everything we can in line so that any transition is as easy and seamless as possible."

"Sir…"

"We're selling house, Cy," Fitz breathed, letting his eyes close momentarily, "I'm going to be stepping down."

"Sir!" Cyrus was instantly outraged.

"Cyrus – I'm done," He replied, letting his head shake slowly, looking down at the floor before looking back at him, "The jig's up, Cyrus. I'm not this guy. I'm not the heavy drinker who ignores his kid. I'm not me anymore without her. I'm not the sort of guy who lies, hides, and stashes away a second family in some other country. I'm going to be there for Olivia and I's child. I'm going to be there for the woman I love. And, I'm going to be there for Teddy, Gerry, and Karen too. I'm putting them first, all four of them. Followed very closely by Liv, and then – hopefully, you."

"Me? Sir?" Cyrus asked – a little more than surprised.

"Cy, either way – this is coming out," He said, taking a deep breath, "I'm not at all sorry to say that my presidency is over. There's no way that we can keep this a secret, and I don't want to. I want Olivia, and I want our baby, and I want us to be a family. I married for politics the first time, and it's high time I stopped letting it run my life."

"We're going to go out well."

"No one needs to know right away," Fitz replied, "And I pray to God they don't. The last thing we need is paparazzi chasing Olivia everywhere – she won't take kindly to that. And I'd prefer the baby to be able to grow up as normal as possible."

"Reputations saved, at least for a while."

"I'm going to need you, Cy," He replied, "I can't tell you for what just yet – but I need to know that you're going to be there when I do."

"Yes, sir," Cyrus replied, and Fitz nodded.

"Good," Fitz replied as he went back behind the desk.

"So what's on today's docket, sir?" Cyrus replied, and Fitz took a deep breath, glancing around the room.

This was when he noticed that Teddy was starting to try and climb out of his playpen. He was out of his chair before it even really hit him what was going on. He scooped the little boy up in his arms and carried him back over to the desk. He sat back down in his swivel chair and put Teddy on his lap as he looked over at Cy. He took a minute to think, bouncing Teddy on his knee as he tried to map it out. Of what had to happen that day, and what type of process they were going to get into.

"The first step is organize everything, Cy," Fitz replied, "We need to make sure that Sally's on the same page as us. We need her on our side – we need her to know exactly what's going on."

"Yes, sir," He replied, "I'll start pulling files together and getting them to her."

"Thank-you," Fitz said simply, dismissing Cyrus from the room as he pulled his laptop from the desk drawer.

He tucked it under his arm and then carried Teddy with him towards the center of the room. He set Teddy down on a blanket with a couple of his toys. He sat himself down on the couch and put his feet up on the coffee table, with a clear view of Teddy playing peacefully on his giraffe blanket. Fitz smiled a little bit to himself as he started working away on his newest series of speeches. He had to ease the American people, everyone into the idea of him stepping down. He had to come up with another reason as to why he was stepping down. He wasn't about to lie to everyone, he just needed something else that would let him back down. Complications from the assassination attempt would work, if he had any. He was racking his brain, but he was still coming up blank.

By the time he looked over at the time, he realized that it was just about Teddy's naptime. He closed up his laptop and stood up, locking his laptop away into the desk and picking up Teddy as he headed out the door. Teddy clung to him as he carried him up to the residence himself, all wrapped up in his little blanket. He walked right into the nursery where his nurse/nanny was sitting on the couch reading, taking her break. He smiled at her as he entered and she hopped up onto her feet.

"I'll put him down, don't bother getting up," Fitz told her kindly, and she nodded.

"Of course, sir," She replied, "I'm sorry – I must have lost track of time."

"It's fine, Theresa," He told her reassuringly, "I will never complain about spending time with him. Or any of the kids."

"You're a nice man," She noticed, and Fitz looked over his shoulder at her as he cradled Teddy.

"That's a surprise to you?"

"No," She replied, "You were just – different."

"I'm working on that," Fitz told her as he watched his son's eyes close, "Nobody's perfect, right?"

He left it at that as he went to head out of that side of the residence, going to try and check on Olivia. He checked his watch, he really wanted to see her – but the team would still be there spit-balling cases with her for another ten to fifteen minutes. He took a deep breath, and decided that it might be safe to attempt to head to his closet and kidnap some new clothes for the rest of the week. He came out of the closet with a couple suits over his shoulder, and he headed down to the kitchen to see what he could scrounge up to keep himself from starving before lunch – with Liv.

"Oh, look who decided to show his sorry ass."

"I just put Teddy down for his nap," Fitz said, shutting the fridge doors, an apple in his hand, "I was just grabbing a couple suits, and a snack."

"I haven't seen you in a week."

"You would have if you would just agree to sign the papers," He replied, taking a bite out of the apple, "It's not like we'll announce it until after-"

That was it. Maybe that was all he needed.

"What's going through your head, Fitz?"

"Everything, all at once," He said, "And I'm just trying to figure out and do what's best for everyone. We aren't good for anything, Mel. You know that. And Liv doesn't need me, but I need her. I need her to function, and I need to be part of that's child's life. In order to be a part of our children's lives, I need to be me. I need to be able to be with Liv. I need you to sign those papers."

"Not gonna happen, honey."

"I'll see you later then," He replied in a mumble, "I'm late for lunch – we'll talk about this later."

He chucked his apple core into the trash on his way out of the kitchen, and crossed the narrow hallway into Olivia's residence. He seemed to have timed it pretty well, because Huck, Abby, Quinn, and Harrison were just leaving. He snuck in as they were going out, and smiled as he realized that he was going to be able to catch her off guard a little bit. He walked into the kitchen to find her standing in front of the fridge, the doors wide open. He smirked, taking her in from behind as he walked up close to her.

"Livy," He breathed, mostly so that she knew it was him, as he wrapped his arms around her carefully.

"What're you doing here?" Olivia asked, spinning around to face him, and he kissed her quickly.

"I wanted a little lunch," He nibbled on the edge of her ear.

"Aren't you supposed to be doing something presidential?" She asked, and he stood up, straight, in mock-military form.

"Yes, sir," He teased her, smirking, "You're the boss."

"I am not the boss."

"You're completely the boss," He said as he relaxed a little bit, and she handed him a loaf of bread from the fridge.

"Well then you can handle some grilled cheese, right?"

"I'll see what I can do," He leaned in and kissed her forehead as he reached behind her to grab the cheese, "You relax, and I will make the best grilled cheese you've ever tasted."

"You're pretty cocky today," Olivia pointed out, and he chuckled.

"I'm just happy to have you here, Liv," He said, pulling a fry pan out from under the stove.

"Fitz, I've been thinking about your plan…"

"Well you thinking about stuff like that's never good," He turned around, letting the pan heat up, "Livy, before you say anything – can I just tell you something? I thought you didn't want me, all the hubbub about making me President, everything that happened before Teddy was decided on… I thought you just didn't want to be with me. I know now that that's false, and that you just have really crappy ways of showing that you love me – but I need you to stop now. I'm giving up the presidency, ok? I'm giving it all up – everything, for you. And I know that scares you and feels like a lot of pressure – even though it shouldn't – so don't think about it that way. Think about the baby, our child. Think about it as me giving everything up for the baby, ok?"

"That's not much of a difference at this point," Olivia said as he turned around and put the sandwiches on.

"It's all the difference in the world," He said, sitting down at the table with her, "It's the fact that we're having a baby – together. I know about him, I want him, you don't get to tell me that I have to leave you. Because even if you don't want to have to be without me, you can and you do it well. You can stand on your own two feet and be 'Olivia Pope' you like me, you love me, you want me, but you don't absolutely have to have me. If there's some 'greater good' you see for me, you can give me up. However, this baby? This baby means that you need me, because this baby need their dad. And because I know you love this baby just as much as I do, you can't send me away again. You're stubborn streak has finally met its match."

"You suck," She replied, and he kissed her cheek.

"I love you, too," He said as he got up and went over to flip the sandwiches

"Seriously?" Fitz heard the voice behind him, like an icicle through his heart.

"Get out." He said firmly.

He whipped around to see Mellie walking towards Olivia and his first instinct was to throw himself in front of Olivia. He quickly threw the idea out as too dramatic, and took a couple steps closer to Olivia. He placed a hand on her shoulder carefully as Mellie closed in on them.

"Mel, you're not supposed to be here," Fitz said, perplexed as to how she even got in, "Why isn't there an agent by the door?"

"It was Hal this morning," Olivia said quietly, and Fitz rolled his eyes.

"What the hell are you still doing here?" Mellie directed her accusational question directly at Liv, which made Fitz want to scream.

"You know very well that she was still here. She's allowed to stay as long as she wants," It was hard work to keep his tone even – he inhaled sharply, "She's recovering, and under protective custody of the Secret Service."

"Bullshit," Mellie called, she almost sang it, "She's here so that you can be with her. Sorry to burst your bubble, honey."

"The kidnappers were looking to use someone to hurt me, Mellie," Fitz replied angrily, "What does it tell you that they took her and not you?"

"You know he's going to throw it all away, right?" Mellie asked Olivia, "I meant I get that he thinks he's in love with you – but how could you let him do that?"

That seemed to be the last straw, and Fitz hand went flying off of Olivia's shoulder as she jumped up to her feet. Taken by surprise, he took a step back as Olivia went right over to Mellie, possibly angrier than he had ever seen her. He raised his eyebrows and waited for Olivia to say something, not sure whether to pull her away and run or let her be.

"What is your problem, Mellie?" Olivia started off, and Fitz very quickly decided on the latter, "Why are you so desperately clinging to a man you clearly doesn't want you? You like to think of yourself as strong, and independant – well this is 2013. You don't need a man to be those things, so when a man hands you divorce papers, you sign them. Any other fallout is his problem. I get that you have a family with him, but really? You send your kids – his kids – away to boarding school the day after they turn the age requirement – no matter what he's said. You treat him, and your children like shit. Teddy cries when you try to hold him. Why don't you reevaluate what's going on in your life? Your husband is not your husband, and he hasn't been for some time now. Your kids need you to shape up – and they need their father not to be so miserable that he's drinking himself into liver failure. Ok? You have a whole lot more respect to gain for yourself than clinging to a dead marriage can provide for you. I am not your problem, and neither is Fitz, anymore. We're having a child, together – it called parenting with two parents making the decisions, if he wants to give it all – that's his decision, not mine, and certainly not yours."


	12. Wait For Me

A/N: Hey guys, sorry this again took so long – I'm getting my stories in order – but here's the next chapter ;) Song's by Theory of a Deadman, love you all :) (Though, not to rain on you guys' parades twice within a couple of days, this is the second to last chapter on this one)

Finding A Way.

Chapter Twelve: Wait For Me

Fitz was lying awake in bed, his arms around Olivia as she slept peacefully. He kissed the side of her head affectionately. He couldn't believe that she was really there, in the White House, in his arms. He understood what today meant, what that afternoon meant. The way that she had defended their relationship to Mellie, the way that she had asked him to stay with her later in the afternoon when the doctor was coming to check on the baby. She was putting her guard down, and she was letting him be what he wanted. He smiled to himself. He knew that there was no way that he was going to get Mellie out of the White House before he resigned, she would keep fighting him until the end. He had to get Olivia out – to a safe place. He couldn't have Mellie coming and upsetting her all the time

"Mmm, Fitz," Olivia rolled over, and looked up at him, "What're you doing up, babe?"

"Just having a hard time sleeping," He told her, kissing her forehead, "I have to be up for a conference call in a half hour anyways, go back to sleep ok? I'll be back for breakfast?"

"Mmm," was her only response before she fell back to sleep.

He wasn't even sure if she comprehended what he had said, and it didn't really matter as long as she didn't wake up wondering where he was. She had done that a couple times in the night – which made him wonder and worry how exactly she had woken up when Jake and his gang of monsters had her. He shook his head as he stepped into the shower, and prayed that he would never contemplate that again. He had failed her, but he wasn't going to again – at least not on that grand of a scale again. He sped through his shower, and took a peek at Olivia – who was still sleeping – then headed down to the office.

That was possibly the only thing that was good about his job, he could literally roll out of bed, shower, and he was there. He strolled on down to the conference room where they were setting up the conference call and sat down at the end of the table. The other heads that had to be there were still getting there, so his possible lateness was a non-issue. He felt awkward in his chair, and it took him a minute to realize that was because he was in Harrison's chair. This was the room where he had watched all the tapes, and held all the meetings.

"Sir, are you ok?" Cy asked as he walked in – giving him a knowing look.

"Yeah," Fitz straightened himself up in his chair, "Let's get this show on the road – I have things to do this morning – like eat breakfast."

The other heads of their departments gave out a little chuckle and Cyrus raised his eyebrows. The tech got the video feed going, and they began their meeting. Fitz had more than a couple loose ends that needed tying off before he even really thought about his resignation. The country had already had quite a few blows because of him, or because of the people in his life. He wanted to leave the country cleaner than he had come into it, no matter how it had happened. This was one of the many reasons he was happy that no one raised an eyebrow at the fact that Sally was sitting in with them. The meeting adjourned, and he got up to leave, but Cyrus gave him a look like no other. He sighed and sat back down while they waited for everyone else to leave. Tom walked in as the last man walked out, and shut the door behind him.

"This better be important," Fitz told them as he stood back up, "I promised Liv I'd be back for breakfast."

"It's Jake, sir," Cyrus responded, and Fitz raised an eyebrow, "Well, I'll let Tom fill you in."

"We found him, and his team very early this morning," He told him, "Or rather they found us. It's very lucky you've been able to keep Miss Pope here so long – they were attempting to breech the grounds. They got right up to where they were planning on breaking in before we were able to apprehend them. I wouldn't want to contemplate what would have happened if you had allowed her to go home like she asked."

"Thank you, Tom," Fitz took a deep breath.

He had already begun to dread them catching Jake. Partially, because he was going to have to decide what to do with him, and partially because that meant that Olivia would be free to go. He wouldn't be able to come up with a verifiable reason to keep her at the White House. As soon as they figured out who had hired him – that was it. Their little fantasy – the dream that he had been living out with her for the past week would be gone. He wouldn't be able to be with her with her again until he was out of office and the ink was dry. But that was progress, and there would be a little patch where it would be hard, but it was well worth it. He knew it.

"So what's the plan?" Cyrus asked him, and Fitz shrugged.

"It was an act of terrorism, hold him under the patriot act, lock them all up somewhere," He replied, and Cyrus raised an eyebrow.

"Sir, are you sure…"

"Yes," He replied, "Do whatever it takes to get who hired them out of them – and then put 'em somewhere –I don't want to know where they are, ok?"

"Yes, sir," Tom said, and he started heading out of the room.

"Wait, Tom," Fitz called and he stopped, turning around in place, "I'd like an audience with Jake himself – tomorrow if it can be arranged. And I'd like you to be there."

"Yes, sir," Tom replied, and Fitz put his hands together.

"Alright then," Fitz said, and Cy nodded.

"Enjoy your breakfast," Cyrus told him, "I'll bring a copy of your notes for the next one to Langston."

"Thank-you, Cy," Fitz replied and he headed out into the hall – promptly running into Theresa, who was apparently bringing Teddy down to see him.

"Sorry, Sir," She said as she nearly walked into him, "I was told you were going to be down here early, and he just wouldn't stop crying. You're really the only one who can calm him down when he gets like this."

"It's not problem," Fitz replied, taking the baby in one arm and the diaper bag in the other – the child instantly quiet.

"When do you need me to pick him up?"

"I'll drop him off," Fitz replied as they walked somewhat together back towards the residence, "I have a few hours before the next meeting. Try and get yourself a nap or something. And I'll take him for lunch today too – see if he wants to try some new foods."

"Ok," Theresa said, not questioning him as he stopped outside her office, and waited for her to go inside.

He kissed the top of Teddy's head and adjusted his diaper bag on his shoulder as he headed into Olivia's residence. He wasn't entirely sure that Mellie would be ok with him bringing Teddy into the presence of Olivia – but he could honestly really care less. The odds of Mellie even finding out were slim, and even then if she decided to care it would only be because it was Olivia, not because she cared about their son. Eventually Teddy would be spending a lot of time with Olivia – there was no way around it, so he might as well be introduced to her now. Respectfully, of course.

He carried Teddy into Olivia's little apartment and set him against his hip. He was going to have to do this just right, a quick visit for breakfast, then bring him back to the Oval Office with him. Beneath the anxiety, and the wonder he was excited. Since Teddy was born he had wanted to bring him to meet Olivia, he wanted his son, like his other children, to love her just as much as he did. Karen and Gerry couldn't come home for a weekend without asking to see her – though lately he had spared her from seeing them, despite Mellie's pushing, but either way – he wanted Teddy to love her. Though, he could already tell that he would.

"Livy?" Fitz called softly, just enough so that she would be able to hear him in one of the rooms.

"I'm in the bedroom," She called back, "Woke up late, I'll meet you in the kitchen."

"Ok," He smiled as he bounced Teddy up and down lightly, "I have someone I want you to meet."

"What?" She said, clearly confused, as she walked out of the bedroom and out to the kitchen, "Oh, look at him."

"Teddy," He said, smiling as he leaned in and kissed the side of the baby's head, "This is Olivia."

"Hi Teddy," Olivia smiled as she went up close to him, and Fitz smiled, "You are pretty darn cute, you know that, don't you?"

"You wanna hold him?" Fitz smiled as Teddy shyly took Olivia in.

"Is that a good idea?"

"Liv, you're his little brother or sister's mom," He teased her and she smiled as she let him hand the baby off to her, "And hopefully one day his step-mom."

"Did you just call me a mom?" Olivia asked, smiling as she snuggled the baby close.

"I did," He said as he grinned, going through the cabinets to find the frying pan to start up breakfast, "In two senses."

"I don't like the idea of being a step-mom," She replied, "It sounds too – Cinderella. They can just call me Olivia, if and when we get to that point."

"That's fine," He replied, then turned to her with a little smile as she sat down at the table – Teddy on her lap, "As long as they're calling you something."

"What's for breakfast?" Olivia asked, in a voice that he knew was meant 'from Teddy'.

"Cheerio's for him, they're in his diaper bag," Fitz replied, as he started cracking eggs into the pan, "Us? I thought I'd make us an omelet. You don't mind sharing with me, do you? I don't have time to make two."

"No, that's fine," Olivia replied, using her foot to retrieve Teddy's diaper bag, "Where are they?"

"Front pocket," He told her – loving how natural it all felt, then took a deep breath, "I have good news."

"What?" Olivia asked as she started handing Teddy one Cheerio at a time.

"We caught Jake and his team early this morning," He replied – no need to get into the specifics, "We're working on getting who hired them out of them as we speak."

"You caught them?" Olivia replied, and there was a tone in her voice that sent up red flags in Fitz.

"Tom and Huck did this morning," He replied, making it a bit clearer as he sat down next to her, and she handed him Teddy, "They're in custody – and they're being questioned."

"Someone definitely hired them?" She checked, for one of the first times that he saw, scared.

"Livy," He said, adjusting Teddy on his side as he reached across to cup her cheek – he suddenly realized that Teddy did not need to be present for this, "I'm going to bring Teddy back to his nurse, and I'll be right back – ok?"

"Ok," Olivia breathed as Fitz picked up Teddy's Cheerios and slung his bag over his shoulder.

He carried the baby out of Olivia's residence and to the nextdoor offices, handing him off to the Theresa. He kissed the boy's head and told Theresa to bring him by the Oval for a while after his next meeting. He would spend time with him then, and bring him to his meeting with Langston to make up the time with him. He then turned right around and went back into the apartment to find Liv. He walked in and she was turning off the eggs – which had burnt in his absence.

"I'm sorry, Livy," He said as she scraped the remnints of them into the trash.

"It's fine, Cowboy," She replied, and he smirked, "I'm not really that hungry."

"Cowboy? I haven't heard that from you in a while – and I'm happy to hear it," He smiled as he leaned in and kissed her, "But the Doctors say we have to keep you overly nourished – so skipping breakfast is not an option."

"What if I just had some fruit then?" She asked, and he handed her an orange, and a banana.

"Two," He replied, and she smiled.

"Ok."

"I can make you popcorn," He offered, "I know half of your food groups are eliminated, given the circumstances –"

"I'll have popcorn later," She replied as she walked out of the room and settled herself on the couch with her fruit.

"I could chop it up for you, if you want."

"No," She replied, setting them down on the coffee table.

He sighed, his shoulders slumping as he followed her into the living room and sat down next to her. She stayed strong for about a full minute before tears started to stream down her face, and he felt himself collapse on the inside. He put an arm around her softly, and pulled her in as close as he could on the couch before simply sliding her onto his lap. He leaned over and kissed the side of her head, then wrapped both arms around her tight. He prayed that his arms around her would bring her comfort as she cried into his chest.

"Why?" She breathed, looking up at him after a couple minutes, "Why would someone hire someone…"

"Because of me, Livy," Fitz breathed, trying to stay strong himself as he reached up and wiped a tear from her eye gently – leaning back on the arm for support, "I was incredibly stupid about us – and it's my fault. While we were together I had people tailing you – I pulled them off. I wanted you to be able to live without them following you everywhere. But I still loved you, I still love you, and anyone who knows anything knows that's not going to change. I'm sorry, Livy. I'm so sorry."

"Fitz," She stopped him, putting a gentle hand up onto his face, "You couldn't have known."

"The number of threats I get per day?" He questioned, "I should have."

"But you didn't," Olivia told him firmly, "It's not your fault, and I refuse to let you blame yourself."

"I'm not letting anything hurt you again," He told her softly, kissing the side of her head, "Starting now. I'm going to have a team of agents bring you to Camp David. You'll be safe there – and I'll be there as much as I can. At least until everything blows over. Once I'm done here – I'll come for you. I won't let Mellie attack you, Liv. I'm not going to let anyone attack you. It's only a matter of time before someone on staff speaks up, and I won't let anyone know where you are."

"Fitz.."

"No, Liv," He replied, "I'll spread something that says you went to rest in California, or in New York with your sister. I'll spread both. No one but Huck – who'll be with you, and a small team of agents will know where you are."

"Fitz. I don't want to hide."

"Liv, it'd only be for a little while," He told her, "If it takes longer than a week – we'll figure something else out. But for now – I want to get you of the area. Just until we find out who was behind it."

"Fitz…"

"Livy. Please, do not ask me to stomach the idea something like that happening again," He said, and he knew that she could see the fear in his face, "I don't know what I'd do without you – either of you."

"Ok," She replied and he nodded.

"Thank-you," He breathed, leaning in and kissing her softly.

"So when am I being shipped off?" She teased, less than happily.

"It's not something I want either," He argued softly and she nodded, "I'll have to have it set up today, I wanted to talk to you about it first. I'll go with you tonight and get you settled in, ok?"

"I'm not a little kid," She replied, "I can just go with security."

"I'd still like to come."

* * *

He was honing in on the end of his week as he sat at his desk Friday morning. He was running out of time before his deadline with Olivia was coming to a close. From what he was being told in updates, Jake and his team weren't talking. He needed this to be squared away – as quickly as possible. He only had a couple days left to fix it before Camp David was no longer an option. He missed Liv – but at least she was safe. Teddy had spent most of the morning in his office – but had just been picked up by Theresa. He was working on his resignation speech, he had been working on it all morning.

"Cy!" Fitz called – sure that he was hovering outside the door, as per usual.

"Yes, Sir?" He said as he walked into the room cautiously.

"Have they said anything yet?" He asked, "Because if they haven't I'd like to pay them a visit."

"I was just coming to see you, sir," He replied, "I just got word from them."

"Out with it, Cy."

"Sir."

"Cy."

"It was Hollis Doyle, Sir," He replied, "They named the name. He would certainly have a lot to gain from a new war. We've picked him up – and some of the evidence, it's damning, sir."

"Hollis Doyle?"

"Yes, sir."

"Go get me another update."

"Yes, sir."

Fitz looked back down at his speech, he was planning on giving it Monday morning. Tuesday Langston would be re-sworn in, and he would go to Camp David and get Olivia. He had a house already set up in Maine – where they could lay low together for a while. It was so far away from – everything that they'd be ok. They could relocate as she wished from there. Maybe go to Boston, or New York, LA. He heard someone coming in what seemed like a matter of minutes and he looked up. Mellie was standing in the middle of the room.

"You really love her, don't you?"

"I don't think that is really any of your business," He replied, "She's out of the White House, and come Tuesday we will be too."

"You're really going to kick me and your children out?" She paused for dramatic effect, and Fitz rolled his eyes, "So you can go off and be with your girlfriend. Really, honey?"

"I'm not kicking them anywhere," He replied – a little angry, "And I'm not appreciative of your implications that I'm abandoning them – I'm not. They'll still have multiple roofs over their heads, and their father there when they need me. If they aren't actually with me, I'll be a phone call away. Same as it is now, thanks to you. You're the only one that's really being displaced. And let's face it, while you're off campaigning you won't be watching Teddy – I will be. Or do you want ot run as the woman who keep a man's children from him while he's trying to spend time with his newborn? You'll be a joke – a bitter old witch, I promise you won't win on that platform. And, to answer your original question, yes. I love her. I'm in love with her. She's the love of my life. And you can't take my children from me, we both know that."

There was silence.

"Finish your term," She said, "Finish your term, and I'll sign the divorce papers. The custody agreement too."


	13. You've Got A Way

A/N: So clearly this Fanfiction is full of things that I haven't really written for you guys (Well, at first at least, When You're Through does have an unplanned pregnancy) Anyways, just keep that in mind as you're reading, because Love, of course. I love you all so much Enjoy the chapter, the final one for this story :( but that means that I'll be starting up In Too Deep again to finish that one off (I'm playing clean up, lol) Then I can possibly be updating When You're Through more often … Enjoy the total fluff, the song's by Shania Twain…

Finding A Way.

Chapter Thirteen: You've Got a Way

Four Years Later:

Fitz woke up in the house in Maine, the house had lived in for the past four years with Olivia, and the last three years and three months with their son. He rolled over on the mattress, and hit a warm lump under the covers, but it wasn't the one he was used to waking up next to. He smiled as he pulled the covers off of his son, who giggled and smiled as he sat up – his hair all tossed around on top of his head and Fitz smiled. He picked up Olivia's pillow and playfully, and very softly, hit him on the side of the head with it so he laughed and gurgled.

Logan, the little boy that had completely changed his life around, in a good way, was perched on the edge of the bed, a smiling, happy three year old boy. He, especially today, didn't even want to think about his life without him – what would have happened if he had been killed before he could even start to bring him the joy that he had. Logan was the perfect mix of himself and Olivia – his nose, eyes, and hair, her – well everything else. Her smile, her mannerisms, and her innocent charm – though he was willing to bet that was going to change once he started to get older.

"Who let you in here?" Fitz feigned anger, and the little boy just smiled – never taking his father seriously.

"Gerry," He replied matter-o-factly.

"Oh really?" Fitz said, looking over at the clock for a minute – he had slept a little later than he had wanted to.

"You didn't find me!" Teddy complained as he popped up from under the bed.

"I just found out you guys got here," Fitz replied, rolling out of bed and giving his five year old a nearly bone-crushing hug.

"Safe to come in?" Gerry called from the other side of the door.

"Yeah," Fitz called as he one armed Teddy and walked around the other side to snag Logan from where he was still sitting in a nest of covers, "Did you let the little bandits into my room?"

"I told them to wake you up," Gerry said, shrugging innocently as Fitz let Logan down so that he could run to his oldest brother – who he hadn't seen since the previous weekend, "You said we could fit in my drivers' test after you and Olivia get back, right?"

"It'll be my first stop," Fitz told him as he set Teddy down, "We land in LA on Tuesday, so you better be ready for it."

"I will be," Gerry replied confidently as he scooped his little brother up and put him up on his side carefully, Fitz smiled.

"Daddy, you were talking – you weren't sleeping," Teddy pointed out as Fitz set him down, "You were calling for Olivia!"

"I was?"

"Logan."

"What?"

"Dad was calling for Olivia, right?"

"Mom?"

"TMI," Gerry said, shaking his head as he very carefully let Logan slide down and back onto the ground.

"When you spend four years next to the love of your life and then try to spend a night without her…"

"TMI," Gerry repeated, and Fitz chuckled.

"You'd miss her too."

"Where's mommy?" Logan asked and Fitz stooped down to pick him up.

"She spent the night with her mommy," Fitz replied, "She couldn't stay here last night."

"But she lives here."

"She does, but it's an old tradition," Fitz tried to explain to him.

"Why?"

"It's just bad luck."

"Why?"

"Because today I'm gonna marry mommy."

"Why?"

"This is going to take hours," Gerry piped up, going over and picking Teddy up in a fireman's carry.

"Careful with him," Fitz said, then turned back to his youngest son, "Because Daddy loves Mommy."

"I love mommy," He said, and Fitz smiled, then looked over at Gerry, "Would you mind making sure they get something to eat – where's Karen."

"Princess Karen," Gerry corrected him as he set Teddy down and took Logan by the hand, "Dropped us off and then headed to meet up with Olivia and the bridal party."

"Oh, yeah," Fitz replied as he grabbed his towels from the hook, his Tux was hanging on another one, "Cy, Huck, and Uncle Nicholas will be here in a couple minutes. Have them watch the boys while you get changed ok – I'm under strict orders from Liv not to put the bandits into their suits until the very last minute."

"You got it dad," Gerry said as he grabbed Teddy's hand too, "C'mon _banditos_."

"Glad to see that fancy boarding school education isn't a waste on you," Fitz called after him as he brought the boys out of the room and closed the door.

Fitz chuckled a little to himself as he stretched, then stripped down and went to get in the shower. He had missed Liv, it had taken him forever to fall asleep – and he ended up piling up the blankets so it almost felt like she was lying next to him – except she wasn't. There was no way to replicate how lying next to her felt. There was no way to fake it. He was pathetic, and useless without her – and he didn't really mind it. Despite the comments he got from his sixteen year old, he was happy, and he knew that Gerry was too. Karen hadn't been able to conceal her excitement about getting her bridesmaid dress, and hanging out with Olivia as the 'only child' for a while.

He got out of the shower and put his tux on, smiling as he realized how much happier they were as a family. Mellie, as screwed up at she was, even was happier in the divorce than she ever would be in the marriage. She was off playing senator, and ended up having to give him half custody of the kids anyways. He had resigned when he had wanted to, and he had been able to work everything out. Had he gone with Mellie's plan he still would have been able to meet up with Olivia in Maine before Logan was born – but that wasn't the way he wanted it. And he wasn't going to do that to Olivia – she had waited long enough, and he had made her second far too long. She was first – in nearly everything, except his children, who she probably came in a close second to.

"Dad!" He heard Gerry calling for him as he was finishing up tying his bow-tie.

"What?" Fitz asked, jacket over his arm as he went down the stairs and into the kitchen where everyone else was.

"Sir, you look fantastic," Cy said as Huck was wiping off the boys' faces.

"Sharp," Huck said slightly awkwardly, and Fitz smiled as he looked over at the clock – setting his jacket on the counter.

"_Banditos_," Gerry said, lifting Logan out of his booster seat, "Off to get ready, huh?"

"I can get them, Ger," Fitz offered, and Gerry shook his head.

"I've got it, they're my little brothers," He said as he hoisted Logan up on his side.

"You sure?" Fitz replied, and Gerry nodded.

"I'll get them cleaned up, don't worry Dad," He replied, "Today's your day – well it's Olivia's – but still, relax – you're shaking."

"I am?"

"Relax, little brother," Nicholas chuckled as Gerry and the boys took off back up the stairs towards their rooms, "If she was going to run off and leave, she would have done it before now – and she would have taken Logan with her."

"Thanks, Nick," He said unappreciatively as he led the three other men into the living room and slumped into a chair.

* * *

"Where's Karen?" Olivia asked, looking around at her bridesmaids as they sat down to their fruitbar breakfast provided by her mother.

Abby, her sister Lydia, and her two brothers who had been standing by the fridge looked up. Her mother kept working away at the next course – convinced that her daughter, if not fed to the point of explosion, would starve through her own wedding. Olivia looked around the room, it was almost time to start getting ready – her hair was already done, and all she had to do was get into her dress, and get makeup. Where the hell was Karen? She should be there by now – right?

"Well, that's it, ya blew it, Liv," Max, her little brother, who didn't usually speak unless it was football related spoke up.

"Yeah he'll never marry you now- you lost his kid," Tom, the oldest in the family teased her.

"Shut up, Tom," Lydia said as she took Olivia's cellphone off the counter, "Want me to try and call her?"

"She's eighteen, Tom," Olivia replied, "She's probably just running late."

"I'm here!" Karen announced as she waltzed right in the back door, stopping in the middle of the kitchen, "Sorry I'm late, but I had to drop the boys off with Dad, then the traffic on the way back down was horrendous."

"Just glad you're here, Karen," Olivia replied as Karen went over and hugged her as best she could, "Get something to eat, then we'll get you in hair."

"Fun," Karen said as Tom loaded her up a plate.

"Easy, Tom, there's no need for her to be carbo-loading," Lydia went to help him as Karen took a seat between Olivia and Abby.

"The boys happy to see each other?"

"Logan met us at the door," Karen said, "He's so adorable, I had to go and see him real quick – dad wasn't awake yet. He's so big! I haven't seen in him in two months – stupid school."

"You'll be in college in the fall," Abby pointed out, "School is going to be so much fun for you from now on."

"Do not put ideas in her head," Olivia said pointedly as Abby – who chuckled.

"It's ok," Karen said, as she took a sip of orange juice.

"He wasn't up yet?" Olivia said, surprised – she had tried to let it go.

"Gerry was on top of it, don't worry," Karen assured her, "He was releasing the Bandits into you guys' room as I was leaving."

"Don't worry, Liv," Abby said as Karen's breakfast was delivered to her, "He's a guy – all he's got to do is shower, shave, brush his teeth, run a comb through his hair once and put on his tux."

"True," Olivia replied, "You know, that's so unfair. I've done the birthing and I have to do all the personal preparation for the wedding too? And somehow, he gets to spend the morning with the kid anyways?"

"Relax, Liv," Abby said, "Gerry's there now, you can call and check on him."

"No he's fine, it's the principal of it," Olivia replied, and Karen started to laugh into her scrambled eggs.

"It's like when you were like eight months pregnant, remember?" Karen asked, "You kept craving the same things around the same day – and you got mad at dad for skipping over the pickles and going straight for the ice cream. He had to go to the store, and he knew that he would miss the pickle phase so he got some for the next day, but picked up ice cream instead?"

"I don't remember that," Olivia said somewhat defiantly, and Karen chuckled, "But I do remember him missing the ice cream entirely…"

"That might have been it," Karen replied, unconcerned as the rest of the table kind of gave a little chuckle.

"Ok, dress time," Olivia's mother said as she turned around, and they started pulling up the plates, "Karen, sweetie, your dress is in the guest room just down the hall."

"Thanks," Karen said and she ran off.

"She's adorable," Abby said as they headed upstairs.

Olivia walked into her childhood bedroom to start getting ready. They had hung her dress in her now empty closet and she took a minute to take a breath. She smiled as she spotted her stuffed animals in the corner of the closet, thrown there apparently when she went off to school and her mother had started letting people sleep in her room when they were visiting. She picked up her tiger and looked around her room – which was still done up the way it had been since she was a teenager. She abandoned the dress in the closet and sat down on her bed with her old tiger.

Fitz and her would never have a normal love story. She laid back on her pillows – they had their 'meeting' and 'falling in love' and periods, but it was never going to be the fairytale. She loved him more than she could even think about without getting upset, but it was never anything that she had expected her life to turn out as. She wondered to herself what would have happened – if they were a little more normal. Would she have laid in bed at night talking to him on the phone for hours? Would she have gushed and ranted to her best friends about how great he was to her? Would she have laid in bed at night clinging to her tiger wishing that it was him?

Their relationship had been devoid of the innocent portion of it – but if you took everything away would they have? She had to believe that they would – but the innocence wasn't what was important. Innocence was important to kids, but it wasn't necessary. She couldn't imagine her life without him, and she was getting her fairytale – her crazy and infinitely better one than any kids' book could have told. She took a deep breath as she got back up off the bed and got ready to go.

"You ready, Olivia?" Her mother popped her head into the room – Karen just behind her.

"Yeah, why don't you two come in and help me get the zipper up?" Olivia said – holding up the dress herself as they came into the room.

They zipped her up, and then Karen helped her get down the stairs and into the limousine. The church had been her mother's request – and after all that she had put her through, she couldn't really say no to such a simple request. The church was old, made of stone, and tan shingles – it was the one that she had grown up going to, and dragged to by her mother when she was a teenager. It didn't matter. She was going to marry Fitz, who was more spiritual than he would admit,– the love of her life – the father of her child. She smiled as the limo pulled up outside the church – everyone already inside.

Her father, the photographers, Logan, and Teddy waiting outside. She smiled as she waited for the bridesmaids to all pile out of the limo, so that her father could help her out last. She stood for a second by herself – the photographers snagging pictures of her just before Logan went running up to her, and she lifted him without a second thought up into her arms.

"Mommy," He smiled as he leaned up and kissed her cheek.

"Hey, buddy," She smiled as he clung to her, and she leaned in and kissed his forehead, "How's my little boy?"

"You look so pretty," He smiled happily and Olivia grinned as she struggled to set him down – and gave Teddy the hug that he had been somewhat impatiently waiting for.

"Ok," said the wedding planner as the music started and the bridesmaids started filing into the church, "Ella, c'mere."

She grouped the kids up, and handed Ella her basket of red rose pedals. White would have been more traditional – but clearly that wasn't her and Fitz's style. Then she took a deep breath and handed a pillow with the rings on it – sewn in with a single thread so that the boys wouldn't lose them – or try to eat them, but could easily be taken off, to Logan. Who was sharing his ring bearer duties with Teddy.

"Now, Logan," She said, "You have a very important job here – Teddy, make sure your brother doesn't eat them ok?"

"Ok," Teddy replied, taking up half the weight of the pillow from Logan.

"Good boys," She told them as Olivia's father came beside her and took her arm.

Logan and Teddy disappeared into the church, followed closely by Ella – and then the doors closed again. She could hear everyone inside getting to their feet and took a deep breath.

"Not too late to run," He father whispered, and she gave him a look.

"Really?" Olivia said and he shrugged.

"It's a little late," He replied, "But just like when Logan was born – you don't have to marry him."

"I know, dad," She said, then smiled a little, "I can't imagine not."

"Well there you go," He grinned a little as the music started, and he led her into the church.

They walked in, and she was lost the minute they did. Right directly in front of her was Fitz, standing at the alter waiting for her. Teddy was holding the rings just behind where they would stand – next to the pastor, and Logan was up in Fitz's arms. He looked as though he had been crying, that maybe the crowd was too much for him – and Fitz had scooped him up. She smiled down the end of the aisle at her boys, waiting for her. If it was possible, Fitz looked even more handsome than usual – his hair just working the little sunlight that was in the sanctuary perfectly. And he always did look good in a suit. Fitz let Logan down, and Teddy grabbed his arm to keep him from running off.

Before she realized it, her father was stopping, making her stop as she would have just kept walking towards Fitz. Her father chuckled a little bit at her, a small tear in his eyes as he brought his oldest daughter up, and handed her over to Fitz without uttering a single word. She smiled as Fitz took both her hands in his – and the pastor began. He went through all the basics, and she swore the only time that Fitz looked away from her was when he said, "If anyone has any objections as to why these to should not be married…" and it was only to shoot a quick glare out into the audience.

"…Now, I believe that these two have prepared a portion of their own vows to one another," The Pastor announced, "Because those closest to the couple know that they very much like to do things their way."

"Our lives together will never be a lie, or something hidden," Fitz spoke up first, "You, Olivia Carolyn Pope, are the world to me, and I couldn't go another second without you. Our love is real, it'll never be a lie, and it will never be pretend – because let's face it, that's not really our style. I promise to love you, and be faithful to you for the rest of my life, regardless of what happens, regardless of whether it's my best day or my worst – I don't promise we'll never fight, that we'll never have arguments, but I promise that I'm never going away. And I promise to only love you more after them."

"We have everything," Olivia said, and he smiled, "So, I promise you that I'm not going to push you away – ever. I'm going to love you, and be true to you whether or not you're having your best day. I promise that we're going to grow old, raise Logan and whoever else might show up, and celebrate, and cry, but we're going to do it all together. No more being frozen in time. We're going from stolen moments to us – to a life, to a marriage that's real, and a family."

"Fitzgerald Thomas Grant III, do you take this woman to be your wife, to have and to hold, to cherish and love from this day on?"

"I do."

"Olivia Carolyn Pope, do you take this man to be your husband, to have and to hold, to cherish, and love from this day on?"

"I do."


End file.
